Intimacy: Great story, tell it again!

Great story, tell it again!

By BrianTheLion89 - 06/06/2012 21:37 - United States

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 3 753

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Same thing different taste

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 689

You deserved it 16 033

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 2 545

By jaci - 24/07/2016 15:27 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 068

You deserved it 1 142

WHAT?

By what the FUCK - 15/08/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 3 282

By fuckoffgran - 01/08/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 503

You deserved it 5 708

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 446

You deserved it 3 062

By RatCityChick - 27/06/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 464

You deserved it 4 892

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 254

You deserved it 20 795

Kids grow up so fast

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 247

You deserved it 5 140

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 980

You deserved it 2 122

UrCapsLockOn 12

Thursday 7 June 2012 8:54

plants breathe too how she manged to tap that ?? :S

xlord 27

Thursday 7 June 2012 8:54

apparently you burn a lot of calories during sex so she is right

Comments

tashaprincess 3

Thursday 7 June 2012 23:00

I like!!

irishbohemian 0

Friday 8 June 2012 5:18

Tell granny I miss her and to call me!

LittleDevil01 4

Friday 8 June 2012 11:54

it was a case of "in our day...." and from there it went on;i feel for you.

darksidegurl642 0

Saturday 9 June 2012 2:01

Awesome Gran!! Mine never would've said that :)

RAndEM 9

Wednesday 7 January 2015 8:57

So, go "out and have sex with everything that breathed"!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 978

You deserved it 4 590

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 432

The Top

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 628

You deserved it 278

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 801

You deserved it 9 194

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 647

You deserved it 34 946

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 652

You deserved it 14 304

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 955

You deserved it 1 956

Today, my girlfriend left to visit her mom for the first time since Covid. I'm happy for her, the problem is I've lost a lot of weight and put on muscle since Covid, so she's terrified I'll cheat on her while she's gone, and demanded I install Net Nanny on my phone. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 349