Kids, Painful and Health: Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 962

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Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 195

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 643

You deserved it 58 259

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 24 715

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 376

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 665

You deserved it 3 753

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 903

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 3 321

What am I doing?

By janesays - 24/02/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 592

You deserved it 66 559

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 873

You deserved it 5 243

clownman 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 16:10

shouldve played dead and waited for daddy to get home. you dead and your daughter has blood on her hands - that would freak the crap out of him!

aback 4

Thursday 25 November 2010 16:09

Better work on your reaction time. Next, she's going for an eye. "Aw-w...she's got her mommy's eyes. No, really!"

Comments

bubblezz0504 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 16:56

ohhhh kids these days

snazcola 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 17:13

Jesus!

ThreeSheetsGone 12

Thursday 25 November 2010 17:35

Sounds to me like she was using a shovel when she needed a pick. But YDI for even letting her get her fingers in your nose. Nasty

curleymeeehh 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 17:38

owwwww fyl!!

malisa916 7

Thursday 25 November 2010 17:43

My oldest son did this to me once when he was a baby..... OUCH!!! And my dad laughed at me.

DocBastard 38

Thursday 25 November 2010 17:53

Sounds like you need to change the TV to The Wiggles or Sesame Street. She's learning too much from Moe, Larry, and Curly.

MermaidSongXOXO 6

Thursday 25 November 2010 18:00

Oh, what a precious baby. Already plotting your demise. It warms my heart :')

Ellen_Farrah 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 18:16

Then what are you doing blogging about it if you have to clean up your bloody kid..?

xNephilim 18

Thursday 25 November 2010 18:30

What are you doing on here if you should be in the hospital to get your brain put back in? This obviously either didn't happen that day, or happened EARLIER that day. So, either it's been a while and the OP just found FML or the OP had time to clean up the kid, and probably already put her in bed.