Kids, Painful and Health: Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 962

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Same thing different taste

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 195

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 643

You deserved it 58 259

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 24 715

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 376

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 665

You deserved it 3 753

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 903

Sorry sweetie

By ddhaley1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 3 321

What am I doing?

By janesays - 24/02/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 592

You deserved it 66 559

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 873

You deserved it 5 243

clownman 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 16:10

shouldve played dead and waited for daddy to get home. you dead and your daughter has blood on her hands - that would freak the crap out of him!

aback 4

Thursday 25 November 2010 16:09

Better work on your reaction time. Next, she's going for an eye. "Aw-w...she's got her mommy's eyes. No, really!"

Comments

W4X 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 18:46

She's six months old you dumb-ass.

dynky 3

Thursday 25 November 2010 19:13

why would you clean her up when she's done that to you? let the brat wallow in it's own filth for a while as a lesson.

Kua_Mei 0

Saturday 27 November 2010 0:31

She's six months old. I'm not sure infants are too concerned with personal hygiene. (slightly) OT: Judging by some of the kids I've babysat, you'd think the little buggers enjoyed being dirty. :P

EriqCasanovaKid 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 19:34

White People -.-

t765234 10

Friday 26 November 2010 4:03

White people who think that they're black -.-

Sparkiee93 3

Thursday 25 November 2010 19:36

Well look on the bright side, at least it's going to make a good embarrassing story to tell her boyfriends sixteen years from now.

turkeysRus 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 19:45

don't think she's gonna be sucking on that thumb then, bad habit :)

omgimcute 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 19:58

manners has nothing to do with anything. kids are gonna be kids. there curious just like us. who ever says it manners doesn't have kids. she's only 6 months.

tchaikovsky93 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 20:01

OUCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NavyAvi 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 21:10

that sucks so bad but it's still almost adorable!

jezzz111 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 21:58

ouch. At least you're a good parent...

iheartglasses 0

Thursday 25 November 2010 23:19

You weren't able to turn your head? Babies are relatively small at 6 months. Not like she over powered your head forcing you still.. Now you've learned. Spanking does wonders for my toddler. Maybe you should take that into consideration when yours gets a little older. Not for being curious, but repeating the action after being told no.