Poopoo peepee, Food, Gross and Health: Health goals - FML

Health goals

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 610

You deserved it 2 912

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

cassidyfaber 5

Saturday 26 March 2016 7:57

So, when was the last time you've had any sort of fruit or vegetable? The only time I could imagine that happening is if you don't touch them at all. In which case, embrace the *****, because you obviously need some good fiber in your life.

ragnarok1540 39

Saturday 26 March 2016 7:43

Should have skipped the banana leaves ... Didn't you see Jumanji?

Comments

Elisabetha Aarron 18

Monday 5 October 2020 23:10

All that sugar and most likely fibre plus your body my not be used to it will have that effect. Maybe try be healthier in smaller steps so as to not shock your system so badly

IHaveThePower 16

Tuesday 6 July 2021 18:40

You have a serious allergy or intolerance. Please see a doctor.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Cats Animals Gross Smells Love Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Grieving Social Media Music Boredom Anniversary Abuse Intimacy Ironic Transportation Am I overreacting? Drunk AITA Alcohol Kids Parents Gun control

The Top

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 752

You deserved it 21 324

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 858

The Top

Today, after almost a year of no steady work, I struggled to get anything done once my 7-months pregnant girlfriend woke up at noon. She wanted to talk the whole time, and eventually broke down crying because of her relationship with her mother. I spent the the day consoling her. No wonder I can't get any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 778

Today, I went to look at a used car I was really looking forward to driving. It wasn't in as good condition as I'd hoped. The seller still expected me to buy it, even after he had to spray in half a can of Oklahoma Choke octane booster just to get it to fire up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 86

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 438

You deserved it 7 407

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 402

You deserved it 2 424

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 3 023

Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 914

You deserved it 6 485