Health: Heavy

Heavy

By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 08:29 - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "Weighing my testicles… you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 3 016

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Health tip

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 16:02 - United States - Laramie

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 123

By makinascene - 05/02/2009 10:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 635

You deserved it 5 734

By curlyisnogood - 10/01/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 232

You deserved it 3 757

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 75

By Mr. Shawzy - 15/01/2009 11:43 - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 096

You deserved it 23 238

By Delilah - 01/03/2010 08:53 - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 848

You deserved it 9 780

By 20lbknockout - 20/10/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 098

You deserved it 3 547

By xXfloatingshitlogXx - 03/11/2012 16:04 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 169

You deserved it 2 172

Accounting

By SOME QUESTIONS DON'T NEED ANSWERS - 29/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 123

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 111

Outsider_77 0

Monday 10 October 2011 16:10

Anyone who weighs his testicles should not be taken seriously.

Jovecove 13

Monday 10 October 2011 17:02

FML Team, I request a WTF button.

Comments

ynnhoj 2

Tuesday 11 October 2011 0:25

Damn son you needs to find a new flatmate with the quickness by the way how much did your balls weigh?

BendyStraw 6

Tuesday 11 October 2011 0:27

He's probably stoned. I believe this is why guys and girls should not be flatmates.

Dark_Angel003 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 0:31

better safe than sorry!=p

asktherunes 4

Tuesday 11 October 2011 0:43

What is too heavy for balls?

CyonideCyns 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:14

Well, did you?

countmystrides 5

Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:24

Well did you?

sarahlovesyewxD 8

Tuesday 11 October 2011 2:23

I've actually tried to weigh my head before..... Fail?

gsxxerr 4

Tuesday 11 October 2011 2:49

I tried that once but the weight limit on my scale is only 250 lbs. I used one of those scales used to measure bug rigs, worked like a charm :)

KiddFlash 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 4:36

Wat a ****** idiot

unctarheel529 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 5:08

He's a genius! He's not retarded he was trying to get her to take off her pants so he could get some p00n!

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 490

Today, I finally decided to tell my partner that I was sexually harassed by another guy in high school. When I got to the point, she rolled her eyes, stopped me and said, "Why can't you just tell me something nice? I don't want to hear about it, it's triggering me." Well, thanks for your attention, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 207

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 708

You deserved it 8 614

Today, I’ve been waiting for the girl I love to break up with her boyfriend so I could ask her out. It finally happened; however she said she wanted time to heal before she started getting involved with guys again. I respected that decision. There’s just one problem. I saw her in town, hand in hand with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 993

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 441

You deserved it 3 785

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 336

You deserved it 5 040

Today, I made the mistake of watching The Daily Show clip where Jon Stewart talks about losing his dog, and it made me think of my dog I lost. Then, right on cue, the song "Every Breath You Take" came on. Now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open and sobbing in the car, with people staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 205