Health and Cancer: Deez Nuts - FML

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 75

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 208

You deserved it 2 697

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 16:12 - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 814

You deserved it 34 696

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 593

You deserved it 4 651

By BX - 17/10/2015 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 088

You deserved it 1 813

Heavy

By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 08:29 - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "Weighing my testicles… you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 3 016

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 129

By this sucks - 05/08/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 115

You deserved it 9 825

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 9 862

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 103

Next

Top comments

sarsuela 29

Tuesday 14 September 2021 20:29

I hope you got rid of cancer and I'm glad you haven't lost your humour.

DarkJester200278 1

Wednesday 15 September 2021 3:05

I lost one of mine due to infection, yet instead of removing it, they let it atrophy. Which kinda sucks, as I wanted to preserve it, make a bet with people that I could make my testicles go from one corner of the room to the other.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 14 September 2021 5:10

That's a nutty way to lose weight!

sarsuela 29

Tuesday 14 September 2021 20:29

I hope you got rid of cancer and I'm glad you haven't lost your humour.

Wadlaen 23

Tuesday 14 September 2021 22:59

I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you are now cancer-free! But hey, Hitler only had one ********, and he turned out fine, so hopefully you will manage to live a good life with only half of them.

DarkJester200278 1

Wednesday 15 September 2021 3:05

I lost one of mine due to infection, yet instead of removing it, they let it atrophy. Which kinda sucks, as I wanted to preserve it, make a bet with people that I could make my testicles go from one corner of the room to the other.

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I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 166

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I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 311

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I agree, your life sucks 38 396

You deserved it 4 374

Today, my boss finally worked out that by not giving the lads a pay rise to £18 an hour, instead just offering them overtime when necessary, it actually cost the equivalent of raising each employees salary to £26 an hour, for a whole year. He’s is blaming me because I issue the pay checks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 86

Today, my 3-year-old pooped on the floor and blamed it on the dog. How do I know? We don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 716

You deserved it 458

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I agree, your life sucks 24 780

You deserved it 16 477