Poopoo peepee and Miscellaneous: Humpty Dumpy

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

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Same thing different taste

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 951

You deserved it 365

By pooplife - 30/11/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 258

You deserved it 4 968

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 418

Freakout

By Anonymous - 20/03/2015 16:56 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 402

You deserved it 3 657

Help!

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 406

You deserved it 8 095

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 241

mea_iloveskiing 26

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:38

Sounds so dramatic

Indianboy9321 25

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:40

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Comments

Kendrah18 19

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:24

I laughed more when I realized the gender of the OP. Nice. lol

Donkness 9

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:34

Please be an illustrated FML.

Duh_0811 17

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:18

That's funny shit!

itsjusttofunny 8

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:21

You must have a big bum hole.

lambda_fml 40

Sunday 13 April 2014 13:29

Naughty ;-)

psycheiris13 20

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:27

Sounds like a huge overreaction to me! What are you so scared of in the toilet OP?

BabyrooKid 11

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:43

Well did you show him your "trophy?"

me1224 12

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:46

He's probably seen worse

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:58

That's not common? I better get myself checked out

goose12321 11

Sunday 13 April 2014 6:30

Is this seriously the first time that this has happened to you?

Witchylady 17

Sunday 13 April 2014 6:36

I am traumatised just from reading your FML.

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 574

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out and I was so close to orgasm, but he suddenly stopped because his phone notified him of the football scores. He only stopped for a few seconds to check but the moment was ruined, and even though he got right back down there it just wasn’t happening. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 6 861

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I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 106

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I agree, your life sucks 52 413

You deserved it 6 196

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I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 6 469

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I agree, your life sucks 23 336

You deserved it 7 932

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 805

You deserved it 11 010