Poopoo peepee and Miscellaneous: Humpty Dumpy

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 951

You deserved it 365

By pooplife - 30/11/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 258

You deserved it 4 968

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 418

Freakout

By Anonymous - 20/03/2015 16:56 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 402

You deserved it 3 657

Help!

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 406

You deserved it 8 095

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 241

mea_iloveskiing 26

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:38

Sounds so dramatic

Indianboy9321 25

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:40

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Comments

MissBehavin77 18

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:54

Who would really scream and freak out that much over splashing water? Overly dramatic

cryssycakesx3 22

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:30

I thought the same thing. it's like it's the first time she got splashed. definitely way too dramatic.

skyeyez9 24

Sunday 13 April 2014 15:40

Enema...which means the poop tainted water splashed directly inside her sore, still dilated butthole.

thatsabiggun 11

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:55

Lol this is fantastic but hopefully your husband will see the humor in it. Or just lie about it

DemosthenesMB 13

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:59

One might say you had a pretty SHITTY day.

cryssycakesx3 22

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:42

no. one might not.

BootheGhost 6

Monday 14 April 2014 1:42

One does not simply post a FML about poop without getting a... certain comment.

TheDoctorFro 21

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:59

I wonder how many courics it weighed.

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:31

I bet it was Bono himself.

cryssycakesx3 22

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:46

1 Kelly Rippa

weveallbeenthere 30

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:21

lol, I would have expected a male op to write this.

kingdomgirl94 29

Sunday 13 April 2014 14:54

Everybody poops.

hawksx7 1

Sunday 13 April 2014 17:32

That is what I thought!

MrsHaxxo 22

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:32

What a wonderful reaction to fall of the toilet

mld4657 28

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:54

Ermygod.... I can not breathe from laughing at this... talk about sitting a brick...

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:04

That was... descriptive

mchmelev1993 10

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:07

That must of been your manliest shit of all time eh?

reaxion 25

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:20

Those are known as depth charges, and they cause about the same surface splashback ;-)

Keywords

TV shows Miscellaneous Work Awkward Coworkers Politics Transportation Ironic Embarrassing Relatable Social Media Instagram Parenting Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Jealousy Love Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Cars Porn Technology Sports Health Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 306

You deserved it 125 968

Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 701

You deserved it 321

The Top

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 049

You deserved it 1 403

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 752

You deserved it 4 980

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 029

You deserved it 9 787

Today, I found out about bitcoin around 2012 when it cost $20. I had about $40k of money to invest at the time. That would be about 2,000 BTC. If I'd just bought and held onto it until now, it would be worth $60,000,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 805

Today, I remembered that I have a mood tracker my therapist gave me that I haven't filled out. Because I wasn't in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 405

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 882

You deserved it 2 805

Humpty Dumpy

Same thing different taste

*buys case of Listerine*

Take a break

Leftovers

Freakout

Help!

Always carry around a pencil with you

Top comments

Comments

buys case of Listerine