Miscellaneous, Neighbours and Keys: I'll get the kettle on - FML

I'll get the kettle on

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 177

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Modern life is rubbish

By Anonymous - 09/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. But it’s 2024, so I have a smart lock I can unlock through an app on my phone. Except I also left my phone inside. The worst part? I had to ask my neighbor to call my mom so she could unlock my apartment from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 394

Baby please come home

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment while taking the trash out, without my phone. I had to wait outside for three hours until my flatmate came home from work to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 248

Didn't think it through

By Mister_FML - 12/08/2020 08:01

Today, I was at my new store, fixing it up. I was about to leave, so I took my clothes off to let the dirty ones dry, as I had other clothes in my car. I walked to the back of my store and the back door locked. The car was locked. I was in my boxers with no phone and no way to go home for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 1 390

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:12 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 878

You deserved it 2 650

Locked out

By ClumsyKatey - 02/07/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 182

You deserved it 1 117

Let em in

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 235

By Jason - 12/08/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 735

You deserved it 44 404

Fun vacation times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I needed to relax, so I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished, I went to put the tray outside, not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room, wearing smiley face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 465

You deserved it 27 368

By joser6969 - 29/10/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 954

You deserved it 11 952

By Niquesha - 23/04/2011 23:56 - United States

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 946

You deserved it 34 642

Next

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 27 October 2024 0:38

A favor for a favor.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 27 October 2024 0:38

A favor for a favor.

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 094

You deserved it 1 169

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 108

You deserved it 3 775

The Top

Today, it's been two months since I started dating a woman I met at work after she had found out her boyfriend cheated on her. She confessed to me she only looked through his phone to find evidence so she wouldn’t feel bad for liking me. I was happy as can be for two months. Now she’s now going back to her ex. We all see each other every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 228

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 3 206

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 898

You deserved it 4 729

Today, I realized that every girl who has approached me or I approached me since high school always ended up trying to get close to me to get close to any one of my friends. Every time I think we’re hitting it off, they ask. When I refuse to set them up, they get angry, and tell others I'm a creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 112

Today, I got an invite to my high school reunion. With visions of wowing my former classmates, I set about starting a diet and exercise regimen. The universe had other plans. On my first run out in the fields, I managed to trip over an invisible pebble, fall into a puddle, and fuck my ankle up. The only thing I'm reuniting with now is my couch and a bag of ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 209

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 6 323