Work: Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2015 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 013

You deserved it 1 428

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Same thing different taste

By spiderchick23 - 10/02/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 503

You deserved it 2 855

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 331

You deserved it 4 014

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 4 476

By CA - 08/10/2015 14:46 - Norway

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 589

You deserved it 1 633

All dressed up

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 23:00

Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 189

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 311

You deserved it 21 673

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 005

By tmi. - 01/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 057

You deserved it 1 897

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 168

You deserved it 2 595

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 972

You deserved it 4 044

Next

Top comments

Thebestinclass 16

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.

BigBoy77 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?

Comments

rieebee 23

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Demand payment up front.

pjsr 32

Saturday 26 December 2015 22:07

Insist on both nuts

Thebestinclass 16

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:03

Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.

boating_guy 33

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:19

Please advise on pricing. I have some student loans I still need to pay off

hellnosucka 27

Saturday 26 December 2015 11:38

I'll buy.

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:42

I'm thinking the product in question might of passed it's "expiration" date

rlak111 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 20:06

Even non black market legal organ donations testicles can go for $35,000

pjsr 32

Saturday 26 December 2015 22:12

That's just an urban legend. Check snopes and other urban legend sites.

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 27 December 2015 6:11

Urban legend of not, I'd sell one for half that!

spicyburrito 18

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:07

Should have gotten his digits. He might have been rich

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:39

Someone call Kanye, we got a gold digger over here

DjangoFett 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:09

damn that's nuts

bwinski 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 9:55

Or lack there of...

BigBoy77 9

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?

nash1991 20

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:11

Well reach around and take his left nut then. He can't even really complain about it

MystoganFT 18

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:12

sounds like a deal to me.

GAeroNKissR 26

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:18

Tell him you're not Joey's tailor (Friends)

LPisLame 16

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:34

Lmao.

LPac5295 27

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:23

Wouldn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

ColonelCusswords 24

Saturday 26 December 2015 12:36

Not for the kinky folks

teyyoshi 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:33

his left nut？what's that？

tarlax 11

Saturday 26 December 2015 8:57

His left ********/teste/ball/gonad/bollock/nard/cojone/jingle bell/marble/teabag/plum/love spud/all-seeing-eye/hard boiled egg/goolie/chestnut/bojangle/Olpally/etc.

dabaerju 23

Sunday 27 December 2015 3:07

FML: The place where you not only read how ****** people's lives are, but also provide you with new vocabulary.

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 27 December 2015 6:13

And my teachers have the audacity to say that FML doesn't contribute to my educational well-being!

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 604

You deserved it 4 282

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 257

You deserved it 1 397

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long-arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 996

You deserved it 3 276

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 980

You deserved it 49 022

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 243

You deserved it 3 017

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 142

You deserved it 23 978