Love, Intimacy and Sex: I need a new strategy - FML

I need a new strategy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, I promised my husband "unlimited butthole access" if he'd get off his video games and help me with my homework. He pointed out that this was the fourth time I'd promised him that, and that since I never followed through the last three times, he wouldn't be doing a thing. Well, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 1 202

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 19:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 6 808

By minecraftwilldie - 02/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 199

You deserved it 14 756

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Spicy

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 181

You deserved it 5 620

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 19:54 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 538

By Anonymous - 26/03/2019 00:00

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 122

You deserved it 301

By Uhg - 10/03/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play video games than be intimate with me. I've tried everything, but get nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 408

Training

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 459

You deserved it 72 638

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

Forever alone

By Perry Winkle - 03/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, all I wanted was to spend some time with my husband, since we're always very busy. He couldn't be bothered to put down his video game. Guess I'm forever alone, even in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 809

You deserved it 8 832

Next

Top comments

Nico97 3

Thursday 16 November 2023 17:31

smart man

Gubbon 17

Thursday 16 November 2023 11:11

Shit indeed.

Comments

Gubbon 17

Thursday 16 November 2023 11:11

Shit indeed.

TomeDr 24

Thursday 16 November 2023 12:37

Don’t promise what you won’t deliver. Honestly, you two need couple’s counseling.

Nico97 3

Thursday 16 November 2023 17:31

smart man

L0life29 6

Thursday 16 November 2023 21:39

and men are the jerks 🤦🏻‍♂️

an_average_guy 6

Monday 27 November 2023 4:20

Your own fault.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 11 December 2023 1:13

Basically OP, go **** your own asshole.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 255

You deserved it 3 821

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

The Top

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 1 920

Today, during one of my final exams at university, the police academy across from the class decided to practice their marching. With the full band of bagpipes. For the entire 3 hours. I have a headache verging on migraine and start humming the marching beat occasionally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 88

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 125

You deserved it 4 031

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 7 370

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 2 112

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 856

You deserved it 540