Health and Poopoo peepee: I've known for ages

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 080

You deserved it 7 183

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Same thing different taste

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 03:57 - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 705

You deserved it 5 790

By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 069

You deserved it 4 597

Full of it

By romoangel - 21/04/2020 05:00

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 563

Leave me alone

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 3 342

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

By Sam - 09/01/2018 19:00

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 816

You deserved it 255

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 7 527

Not now!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 95

By blehh - 14/04/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 293

You deserved it 54 669

A mother's love…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 109

IllegalLight 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 12:09

zing!

intensitive 11

Thursday 28 January 2010 12:15

One word: Fiber.

Comments

stibbons_fml 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:12

FYL for a) not being prepared for the *obvious* joke and b) taking it personally. Seriously, just FYL princess.

Andrea9514 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:23

Don't get so worked up about it, my Mum would have said the SAME thing.

jamjenni2774 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:25

Thanks for a good laugh!! 

Sekococo 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:26

Its shitty but your mom is right and she gets a WIN award

michaelscott69 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:32

win

Mythicleb 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:53

your life doesn't suck. shit happens. experiences is all we have in life

Altrown_fml 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:57

I love your mom.

mushoo_fml 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 14:59

Actually in the OP's case, shit does NOT happen. EDIT: Reply to 34... comments acting up again...

alya_fml 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 15:16

what a delightful mum you have..

Slimma 20

Thursday 28 January 2010 15:39

Your mom is just awesome.

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The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 1 169

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 539

The Top

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 43 078

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 620

You deserved it 3 900

Today, I wore a t-shirt that had a rainbow-ish multicolored design when I went to drop off my daughter at school. Another parent threatened to “call the authorities” on me for wanting to “poison” children with “f**got memorabilia,” and to “stop pushing my agenda” on them. I’m a straight dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 184

Today, a guy threatened to sue me for fraud because I informed him that he had to start paying back his student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 894

You deserved it 1 845

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 876

You deserved it 43 976

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 3 230