Weird, Awkward, First Dates and Intimacy: Ice-breaker

Ice-breaker

By bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 738

You deserved it 3 969

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 437

Recognize this?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 443

You deserved it 19 791

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 072

You deserved it 6 318

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 428

QC issue

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 357

WTF dude?

By Scarred for life - 04/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 857

You deserved it 1 353

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 22:14 - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 955

You deserved it 8 252

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 991

You deserved it 5 573

Picture game

By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 2 188

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 32 118

You deserved it 9 463

foxwasalamb 24

Monday 20 October 2014 22:12

what the ****..? maybe its a clever way of saying he has a large penis

HappyItalian 38

Monday 20 October 2014 22:16

"Probably not you."

Comments

IWishIWasObama 12

Tuesday 21 October 2014 17:08

you have found your one. congratulations!

savemeSheehan 8

Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:48

classy guy

Joshery 14

Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:55

Walk away...just walk away

InTheMagic 3

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:58

Nervous?? Or just a creep??

lbanks_fml 10

Wednesday 22 October 2014 5:42

Was the problem with the question.........or the answer to his question??

Tyyeezyjr 13

Wednesday 22 October 2014 6:26

No comment.

clair_brodie 35

Wednesday 22 October 2014 7:00

"I'm not sure but it was probably bigger than your dick"

prostar9993 15

Wednesday 22 October 2014 20:52

And your answer is.........

urake 10

Thursday 23 October 2014 7:07

Hahaha "bye loser" indeed Good for you OP :)

ladyg228 15

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:13

Should of Answered with nothing because I'm waiting until marriage. That would shut it down quick

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 097

You deserved it 7 572

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 83

The Top

Today, I've been bedridden for 2 weeks. My mother, a very busy woman who lives 30 minutes away, took me to the doctor's office, which is barely 2 minutes across town. Turns out I have strep, and a bad ear infection. My loving boyfriend of 6 years, who lives with me, just told me to take a hot shower and I'd feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 212

Today, I sat down at my computer for the first time in a week, and discovered that my cat had thrown up all over my keyboard. I needed to write up an important document but the chunks were stuck down in the keys, effectively locking it up and making it useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 641

You deserved it 616

Today, I found out that my dad left his entire estate to charity in his will, including his house. He knew I needed that house to get my kids back, because I’m currently homeless and my kids are in care until I can prove I have a suitable place for us to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 741

Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 510

You deserved it 13 590

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 856

You deserved it 29 010

Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 92

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments