Health, Embarrassing, Roommate, Awkward and Animals: It's alive!

It's alive!

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 734

You deserved it 34 966

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Same thing different taste

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 193

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 3 358

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 463

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 3 217

By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 994

You deserved it 31 757

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 12 473

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 518

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 229

You deserved it 41 625

farkie3 8

Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:13

By all means, keep flicking it; maybe it'll fall off.

stronghand0331 17

Wednesday 6 October 2010 1:12

did you try to smack it too? ... but seriously, that's pretty gross. reminds me of Austin Powers

Comments

bbyiitsCANDY 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 15:03

ii thiink the mole has been growing that's why she didn't notice it or something I dnt know

20waffleater10 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 15:50

points at her face....MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!! MMMMOOOOLLLLLEEEEE!!!

kilogreen25 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 16:35

Bumbass

hcysntmf 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 18:31

F your roommates life for having a hairy mole. They're repulsive :x

Igor_g5 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 20:09

Time for some glasses?

rockon_fml 3

Thursday 7 October 2010 1:54

did anybody else think of Austin Powers when they read this?

Maddie_May_13 2

Thursday 7 October 2010 6:23

funniest FML in a while by FAR!

whoisthisgirl 4

Thursday 7 October 2010 8:49

lmfao ew 

faithfulangel 0

Thursday 7 October 2010 18:38

haha this actually made me laugh. nasty but funny.

glitterydisaster 0

Friday 8 October 2010 6:04

Today, my roommate started flicking me in the face, claiming to be trying to swat a spider off of me. It then became abundantly clear that she was instead, flicking the mole on my face. FML.