Weird, Creepy, Dating, First Dates and Love: Joe Smooth

Joe Smooth

By riiiight - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 064

You deserved it 5 931

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Top comments

jizzwold 21

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

He sounds like a nice young man.

Welshite 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

That's when you walk away.

Comments

Michael2687 9

Wednesday 12 February 2014 23:49

WTF?!?!?!?!?!

MrsSoulEvans 9

Thursday 13 February 2014 0:29

Eww eww ewww that is just not right

grritsshay 18

Wednesday 21 May 2014 21:07

It's not an attic full of cobwebs, it's a ******. Someone needs to either get a better sense of humor or go back to sex Ed.

jds91_fml 7

Sunday 10 August 2014 13:28

..... do you?

lifecanbeabiatch 6

Tuesday 16 June 2015 23:00

Always get the important questions out in the open straight away!

RoyalJoker4 15

Wednesday 26 August 2015 4:48

Run just run

withered 30

Monday 4 July 2016 9:23

Did you tell him "Yes. It happens every 9 months after I am in heat".

chopherdwn 2

Sunday 11 June 2023 14:31

Just don’t believe it. They say anything for clout

xaddrus 17

Monday 12 June 2023 1:36

i hope his next question wasn’t “do you want to?”

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 21 176

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 440

You deserved it 28 883

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 935

You deserved it 14 824

Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 532

Today, I was eating lunch in my car. There was a cute guy, also in his car, who kept smiling at me and winking with a cheeky grin. I considered giving him my number but his girlfriend suddenly sat up from having her head in his lap, wiping her mouth. He was getting a blowjob the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 314

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 401

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 030

You deserved it 1 431