Sex, Jealousy and Intimacy: Jump on me, I beg you

Jump on me, I beg you

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 234

You deserved it 10 724

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Sweet sensation

By Katrina641 - 26/02/2010 04:20 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 523

You deserved it 4 379

By Magicfml - 05/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 297

You deserved it 1 030

By missingcharlie - 17/08/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 151

You deserved it 5 701

By lonelygal69 - 19/08/2015 05:54 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 124

You deserved it 3 797

By Elise - 28/04/2012 23:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 536

You deserved it 4 590

Experiment!

By anal-retentive - 23/06/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 329

You deserved it 4 326

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 903

You deserved it 20 148

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 778

You deserved it 6 715

By Lisa - 18/07/2014 20:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 7 376

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 902

JordynnLOL 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:04

surely a girl rides a guy? ..

beastlycass 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:04

ouch that sucks. go buy a vibrator

Comments

lover_of_life 8

Tuesday 13 July 2010 9:29

Pogo stick: 1 You: 0

MaxEvans 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 13:05

Dump him and get with me, baby. I'll ride you anytime you want. ;)

shadowsbane 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 17:03

The only person you'll woo with that kind of line is Rosy Palms. Enjoy your hand.

Lp182 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 21:14

is your boyfriend 12?!?! :O

SoundnVasion 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 0:14

ydi for possibly being unattractive!

xsoooxkrazyx 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 6:45

pogo sticks are the shit!!..

danii1996 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 21:12

I'm sorry 4 u

beancoinc 0

Friday 16 July 2010 16:45

get out your toys and tease him a little, bet he switches rides quickly and if he don't you will still win.

_kayla23_ 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 2:57

Danggg either hes gay or your just really bad in bed.

joshrmcguffey 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 4:20

He must be gay! Find a real man to ride, let him play with his pogo.

DaMak510 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 8:13

I cud poko stick i

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 1 050

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 116

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Choose your fave, watch them go!

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 162

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 942

You deserved it 39 233

Today, I was playing basketball with my friends. I went up for a dunk and ended up hitting my head on the rim, knocking myself out. When I came to my senses, my "friends" had all left. Assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 163

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad, so I speeded up to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 527

You deserved it 12 877

Today, despite the fact of learning I'm now over 300 pounds, causing a major blow to my self-esteem, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband if he wanted a blowjob. Unfortunately, he's trying out new mental meds and they've killed his sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 532

Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 85