Cars, Accident and Health: Less haste, more speed

Less haste, more speed

By Ouch - 20/05/2012 04:06 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 26 776

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
Discover stories that combine fright and humor for an unforgettably funny Halloween. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Acting out

By itsgotime - 20/03/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 356

You deserved it 7 909

Funny how?

By funnyguyNOT - 05/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 306

You deserved it 285 179

Two in one

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 445

You deserved it 14 432

Open door policy

By Luke Sparacio - 24/11/2023 00:00

Today, while we were exploring a building, my dad and I somehow got separated. After about 30 seconds, I found him on the other side of a door, so I went to go through what I thought was a door. Instead, I smashed my head on a windowpane and collapsed to the floor in pain in front of 5 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 197

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 2 169

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 2 947

By tracelee - 03/03/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 526

You deserved it 13 245

By fudgydiaper22 - 30/01/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 5 145

Bad idea

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friend's trampoline trying to convince my mom that trampolines are safe and we should get one. While telling her, I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 462

You deserved it 35 049

By iltdtsm - 15/08/2009 16:58 - Canada

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 219

You deserved it 3 263

awesome8021 3

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:53

So who won?

Ravena1213 0

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:53

I imagined this in cartoon form

Comments

iPeterPan 8

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:52

It would have made it better if you got electrocuted omg

FMLshark 12

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:59

Please do elaborate on how that would've been, in ANY way, "better".

GDIalex 11

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:18

#5 - The story would be more entertaining, duh! :D

wallandpiece 16

Sunday 20 May 2012 13:09

I think being electrocuted would have just added insult to injury. Unless the reason is "I'm a serial killer and I enjoy cutting girls up", please explain how being electrocuted could possibly make anything better.

ucoolgirl31 20

Sunday 20 May 2012 15:25

Well wasn't that convenient??

Purplefluff 6

Sunday 20 May 2012 21:01

Yes that sounds hilarious *sarcasm*

B3Y0ND 3

Sunday 20 May 2012 22:45

19, your picture fit really nicely with that serial killer comment. Them eyes, man, them eyes.

awesome8021 3

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:53

So who won?

SkoomaKi 27

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:02

I'd say the car.

ICastillo 24

Sunday 20 May 2012 15:07

I'd say the metal pipe won.

nado13579 12

Sunday 20 May 2012 16:11

I'd say the pavement.

taco_bender 12

Sunday 20 May 2012 17:08

I'd say the people that have that on video.

hecallsmedarlin 7

Monday 21 May 2012 6:43

I'd say the doctor who sent out the bill....

zachherbert 10

Monday 21 May 2012 7:39

I'd say us fellow FML'ers who read this.

Ravena1213 0

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:53

I imagined this in cartoon form

Nevereverland 8

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:02

Yeah im on acid as well.

LaughinStock 16

Sunday 20 May 2012 18:21

Yeah totally 3 and at the end of Op's injuries that Wah Wah Wah Wahhhhh theme song plays.

ninjawatcher 2

Sunday 20 May 2012 11:57

This sounds like something that would only happen in a bad comedy movie. Also, sorry about your mom OP. It's never easy having a family member in the hospital.

NiiTeH 7

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:04

Along with himself.

22cute 17

Monday 21 May 2012 4:28

I'm sure your Mum is proud now.

FMLshark 12

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:01

The moment I read "jumped over the steel cables...", I knew some kind of horror was bound to happen.

carcar54 1

Sunday 20 May 2012 16:32

And the fact that the app is called FML

cliffibom 15

Sunday 20 May 2012 17:43

I had the same feeling after the "Today," part

Keattles 14

Sunday 20 May 2012 18:40

What trolls haha

soccerguy2 11

Sunday 20 May 2012 23:33

I knew when I read "I tried to beat my dad to the car."

Keattles 14

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:04

Being at the hospital already is a positive way to look at it, but FYL for having to go back in :(

music_woman1 11

Sunday 20 May 2012 12:08

Way to worry your sick mother.. Well, at least you were at the hospital! I hope you weren't hurt too badly

AudioBoss 12

Sunday 20 May 2012 22:20

No, wasn't that bad. I got a swollen ankle, scratched arm, black eye, sore back/pelvis, and head trauma(Should NOT have gone to sleep last night, whoops). I laughed my ass off on the way home, and so did my dad. The steel cables bent like a foot and a half or so I'm told, I passed out, so all I remember is the sound of my head hitting the pipe and waking up on the floor.