Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Life hacks

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 80 868

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Same thing different taste

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 50 054

By sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 231

You deserved it 27 865

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 767

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 11 700

By Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 7 414

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 84 231

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 961

You deserved it 26 500

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 401

You deserved it 1 914

Hummmmm

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 120

You deserved it 10 533

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 594

You deserved it 630

robc32ca 4

Friday 11 February 2011 12:08

washing is a better option

Jimboom 11

Friday 11 February 2011 12:14

Ha ha. I bet you think the idea of spicing up your sex life constitutes putting curry power on your penis.

Comments

sweet_candy_ 17

Friday 11 February 2011 20:57

You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste it's hazardous.

arrowheart 3

Friday 11 February 2011 21:09

ur an idiot

nuttynatty7 0

Friday 11 February 2011 21:19

vry vry correct

lil_lala209 5

Friday 11 February 2011 21:52

wow really? with ALL the other options you have to choose from you use toothpaste? your a real dumb ass... YDI

H2nn2h_fml 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:12

You are so dumb, for real.

EmilyCecile 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:28

ya know, it takes a special kind of idiot to do that my friend

EmilyCecile 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:28

ya know, it takes a special kind of idiot to do that my friend

elkayshmay 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:43

Duh.

kaitlynlovemee 0

Friday 11 February 2011 22:47

Oh...my god ! Hahahahaha... :D

varkey 7

Friday 11 February 2011 23:33

you are a complete idiot and you totally deserved it.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I’ve worked hard to lose ten kilos. It took daily workouts and walking 10 kms a day to make the weight finally move, and I’m the fittest I’ve been in years. My mum, after having not seen me for a while, says in front of everyone during the holidays, “Wow, those injections have worked for you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 78

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 3 020

The Top

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 229

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 201

You deserved it 3 333

Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 239

You deserved it 6 524

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 284

You deserved it 17 997

Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 141

You deserved it 45 304

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 370

You deserved it 2 445