Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Life hacks - FML

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Spicy

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 80 868

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 50 054

By sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 231

You deserved it 27 866

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 767

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 11 700

By Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 7 414

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 84 232

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 961

You deserved it 26 500

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 401

You deserved it 1 914

Hummmmm

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 120

You deserved it 10 533

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 595

You deserved it 630

Next

Top comments

robc32ca 4

Friday 11 February 2011 12:08

washing is a better option

Jimboom 11

Friday 11 February 2011 12:14

Ha ha. I bet you think the idea of spicing up your sex life constitutes putting curry power on your penis.

Comments

mightymart 5

Saturday 12 February 2011 8:42

who the **** eats toothpaste anyway ??! wow what a dumbass

Muzzleloader 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 9:04

Just wear a flavored condom, dumb ass.

grevatious 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 9:58

well it's not a toothbrush! i bet she feels refreshed after sucking your johnson

RebeccaP2010 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 13:32

Omg dude.. lol just get some edible body creme.

atomicmrpelly 2

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:02

Fake.

Takador 3

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:21

are u retarded?!!!?!

RollSnakeEyes 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:01

dumbass

littlejay_101 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:29

Thats the dumbest thing you could do. Why would your girlfriend want to eat toothpaste! Common sense (:

j_cat187 19

Saturday 12 February 2011 19:33

i heard celary made ur semen taste better for women

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 12 February 2011 23:09

1. I*, celery*, makes*, your*, get rid of "for women". 2. I think you're thinking of pineapple, which doesn't always work. I've never heard anything on celery.

foreverever369 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 20:58

.. it's called soap and water , bud ....

9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18

Keywords

Relatable Work Art Family Parents Kids Animals Cats Money Miscellaneous Skincare Health Cops Neighbours Party Awkward Love Crush Furniture Embarrassing Argument Cute Romantic Stuck Roommate Clothes Shoes I need your advice Mental health Cars

The Top

Today, I’m questioning everything about me. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 3 years now, high school sweethearts if you will. Now I’m starting to question if I even like guys. I’ve never gotten off to a guy, but women? I’ve always gotten off to them. My boyfriend is so sweet, I don’t know how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 185

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 228

You deserved it 1 706

The Top

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 275

You deserved it 4 144

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 18 526

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 973

You deserved it 5 376

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 650

You deserved it 3 114

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 126

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 40 198