Sex and Love: Love and threats

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 887

You deserved it 4 880

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 700

You deserved it 5 699

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 658

You deserved it 4 923

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 134

You deserved it 1 458

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 247

You deserved it 36 265

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 563

You deserved it 12 438

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 516

You deserved it 5 325

Oil and water

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 14:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 285

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 635

You deserved it 4 984

Scolded

By oopsies - 08/01/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 054

You deserved it 5 469

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 317

yusaku02 20

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:26

Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)

K_kanaka 26

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:31

The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)

Comments

macdaddymady 8

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:47

Well, your boyfriend will be a keeper.

jmalaer 5

Monday 16 January 2012 11:43

15- 9/10.

CVeNgineer 0

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:48

Good, he's just looking out for his daughter

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:49

That guy won't even think about playing you.

tifani322 13

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:58

Sounds like your dad just loves you. :) I would hate to know what he'd do if he found out you had sex with him (if you did)

anzie_fml 9

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:59

Your dad could have had your boyfriend sit on his lap, then demand he fill a Zippo lighter with lighter fluid before he was allowed to get up. Meanwhile, his raging drunkness mixed with a person on his lap leads to an awkward boner. It's an especially painful memory for me because the guy I brought over was my best guy friend, and now he's not talking to me. I hate my family sometimes.

Enslaved 36

Monday 16 January 2012 0:03

Good thing your dad's on your side. Don't worry about get dumped, guys enjoy screwing daddy's little girls.

rhysfucker 24

Monday 16 January 2012 0:53

Teaching. Screwing, too...

bri5083 9

Monday 16 January 2012 0:04

...and now he's your ex(:

THE_A_TEEN 27

Monday 16 January 2012 0:41

...and now your comment sounds more douche-like with thet ":)" smiley.

jmalaer 5

Monday 16 January 2012 11:47

Lots of people, girls especially, use backwards smileys these days. Back off, she's a qt (:

TheLadyOpal 30

Monday 16 January 2012 0:05

If your boyfriend bolts after that, he wasn't worth those two weeks. Major respect to your dad.

downtime 12

Monday 16 January 2012 1:47

Most guys don't want to stick around with psychotic morons like that guy around. Fact is, whether he has bad intentions or not he probably intends to have sex with her at some stage prior to marriage. Nobody wants to risk having some big ape go postal on them because they had sex with their girlfriend, and there are plenty of other girls around with less family baggage.

thecovert 7

Monday 16 January 2012 0:06

Great start! Did you take any more notes? (father of 4 girls so I can use all the suggestions that might be effective) Agreed - he cares so know that. He might take it down a notch or two but he may see something ou don't.

I_See_Purple_Ppl 0

Monday 16 January 2012 10:46

I gave a suggestion to 114( the guy with the wwe) logo. :) Usually works. If you can't find it. Just be cleaning a gun... Tell him you want your daughter home by a certian time. If he's a minute late you will be waiting outside with the gun. If he hurts her, that not to worry no one will find his body the shovel and a bag of lime will take care of that. Then say I hope you two have a nice time. And you will expect him to walk her to the door when he brings her home.