Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 815

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Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 23 291

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 239

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 9 163

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 70 626

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 264

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 4 807

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 163

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

lolurfuched 0

Friday 13 March 2009 5:33

i know i hate spiders but i still feel bad for it. if its a guy it will always feel small now, same if its a girl XD

pologirl 0

Friday 13 March 2009 5:49

So when they make the porno version of Spiderman is this how it will start?

Mutalisk 0

Friday 13 March 2009 5:49

y do ppl ********** into a sock? i never got that. u lost ur virginity to a spider....

xoxoExoxo 0

Friday 13 March 2009 6:54

ouchhh- think much??!!

damnthatsuck 0

Friday 13 March 2009 7:31

lol that sucks..... hilarious though

inktree 0

Friday 13 March 2009 8:04

There's a spider on your head, on your head...

meanbeech 0

Friday 13 March 2009 8:13

...ya know... if you can learn the fine art of pounding vag... you will never need a sock.. or spider again.. learn to please the ladies, the "sex" feels better and if done right you wont even have to do all that much work, depends on the gal. I think ************ is a tool for the incompitent. find a chick to **** you wont need socks of tissues or napkins.. you will have a condom quick disposable clean up or if your daring you can blow your load in her.. shell have the cleanin to do then. just something to think about. i swear if some men spent less time masterbating theyd spend more time getting laid. sex is like the lottery kid you gotta be in it to win it.. if your on the sidelines thats where youll stay haha go get ****** and leave the spiders be champ

jbel08 0

Friday 13 March 2009 8:35

hahaha @98.. pounding vag..

VexVisnu 0

Friday 13 March 2009 12:44

At least next time you play "never have i ever" with your drinking buddies they'll get a big laugh when you're the only one taking a drink after saying "never have I ever ****** a spider"