Intimacy: Man child

Man child

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 669

You deserved it 5 929

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Same thing different taste

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 656

You deserved it 6 202

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 933

You deserved it 6 529

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 405

You deserved it 5 206

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 1 578

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 794

You deserved it 5 501

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 351

You deserved it 2 829

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 5 092

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 25 256

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 046

You deserved it 12 113

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 11 071

joeyf23 5

Thursday 27 October 2011 5:59

that's hilarious but kinda weird

SquashedSpider7 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 6:00

AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!

Comments

BlackBelt4Me 7

Thursday 27 October 2011 13:47

I'm torn between saying there needs to be a "LOVE THIS" or a "Pull the stick out of your ass!" button for this one. Anyway, that's cute, OP needs to lighten up a bit.

jedielf 23

Thursday 27 October 2011 13:49

Holy shit that's hilarious, but I can imagine how it would kill the mood lol.

perdix 29

Thursday 27 October 2011 13:54

Why is his dick on your face? Is he avoiding your Krabby Patty?

JamesOnToast 5

Thursday 27 October 2011 14:00

That's ******* hilarious!

My_Nightmare 19

Thursday 27 October 2011 14:30

That's actually pretty hilarious. Horrible timing though

loserman67 35

Thursday 27 October 2011 14:50

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for making my day. This has to be one of the funniest FML's I have ever read. Your reply should have been, "I guess you really don't want to get into my squarepants."