Intimacy: Man child

Man child

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 665

You deserved it 5 928

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Same thing different taste

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 6 198

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 524

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 5 164

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 789

You deserved it 5 496

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 349

You deserved it 2 827

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 839

You deserved it 5 086

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 167

You deserved it 25 249

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 043

You deserved it 12 112

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

joeyf23 5

Thursday 27 October 2011 5:59

that's hilarious but kinda weird

SquashedSpider7 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 6:00

AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!

Comments

bnvc 0

Friday 28 October 2011 3:08

LMFAO!!!!! lMFAO!!!!! Jesus. ****** funny.

sweetheart765 0

Friday 28 October 2011 3:30

What a flaming relationship

mileyfan17 8

Friday 28 October 2011 4:05

Awww that's cute :)

LullzKitteh 1

Friday 28 October 2011 4:06

in other words, u looked like Owen Wilson

qtownalex 1

Friday 28 October 2011 4:21

It would have been better if he was dressed up like spongebob when he did it hahaha

escadoo 3

Friday 28 October 2011 5:00

What about the krusty krab??

Jorcar 8

Friday 28 October 2011 5:33

Either he has a really small penis or you have really big nostrils. Either way, FYL.

Brandonbhp 6

Friday 28 October 2011 7:15

IDK if im just overtired but i found this to be the funniest thing

jack_tells_truth 0

Friday 28 October 2011 7:29

You married him, you deserve it

ih82bl8 2

Friday 28 October 2011 7:50

I'm sorry, but that's trivial hilarious

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I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 22

Today, and for the past two years, I've been hosting a fairly successful Dungeons And Dragons podcast. However, ever since we brought a new player into the group, we've lost almost half of our listeners, and thanks to that, we lost our sponsorships too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 141

The Top

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 104

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 2 522

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 18 118

Today, my mom told me that I needed to manage my spending better. This is the same woman who will log onto Candy Crush Saga, play a level and not come remotely close to beating it, and then blow $20+ on it to complete it. She got just a tad angry when I pointed out this hypocrisy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 100

Today, my husband called me selfish and ungrateful then canceled the cruise he’d booked as a surprise. I only asked if we could get a sitter for the kids. I’m a stay at home mom who homeschools and co-sleeps. We never get a single minute alone, so excuse me for wanting some adult time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 181

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 649

You deserved it 52 449