Sports, Injury, Deez Nuts and Health: Net!

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade...but lemonade tastes like crap without sugar and water. So instead squirt those lemons in the eyes of whoever shot them at you.

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Alcohol Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation AITA Parents Gun control Kids

The Top

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 786

You deserved it 6 163

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 797

You deserved it 9 485

The Top

Today, I have a 20-page essay due at 11. I'm only at 6 pages. I couldn't do it last week because of final exams. Got COVID on Monday (tested positive on Tuesday), so I was out of commission for three days. Now I won't even be able to see my families for Christmas. Fuck university. I'm so tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 418

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 553

You deserved it 42 816

Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 127

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 3 736

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 249

You deserved it 33 146

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 789

You deserved it 10 731