Cats, Injury and Animals: Never disrespect the cat

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 31 829

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 503

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 734

You deserved it 8 166

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 575

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 932

You deserved it 4 623

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 150

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 638

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 330

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 179

You deserved it 16 610

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 182

You deserved it 8 225

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 2 202

coolster56 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:04

that's sorta cute next time don't lift cats

Djlatino 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:07

Simba wasn't very happy

Comments

waNgEmsauCe 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:02

why.... are you..... sooooo ugly O.o

thoughtcrimeno1 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:15

yugi! you must take your place in the circle of card games! (obscure Internet reference)

judetheobvious 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:16

YDI for ******* with a cat

nelleyyy 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:26

Ydi for treating it like a lion.

machete_fml 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:28

fool! he should have done it harder. chicks digg scars

marsty 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:37

YDI for disrepecting their cat

Osakhomen 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:47

Ugh cats suck! I hate cats. I'd much rather have a dog, dogs are much more fun and don't suck. lol

ozpunker 20

Monday 22 February 2010 11:57

I just love how he referred to himself as Rafiki.

XanimalloverX 0

Monday 22 February 2010 12:10

you never EVER pick a cat up under it's front paws( their underarms)

sillyzombiekid 0

Monday 22 February 2010 12:15

aww, cute, fyl

Keywords

Clothes Relatable Miscellaneous Shoes Insurance Cars Transportation Health Work Cheating Love Embarrassing Clumsy Food Awkward Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Ironic Pranks Shopping Mistakes Texting Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, I took my cat for a very short car ride in her new carrier. I’ve left it out for weeks to let her get used to it, and before this she was relaxed enough to nap in it. Now, she won’t go near it no matter how many treats I use. I move cross country in June. Back to the drawing board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 188

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My boss's daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much that she made an offer on the house. We were one week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 361

You deserved it 34 589

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 154

You deserved it 5 100

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 121

You deserved it 2 315

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to say it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 372

You deserved it 5 788

Today, I'm tired of people pretending that autism is a great thing to have. I don't feel "great" when I'm hardly able to communicate with other people, crushing my independence, and making me unable to seek help. I just want to be normal, to be able to live on my own. I don't want to be a burden anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 90

Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 398

You deserved it 3 172

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 46