Cats, Injury and Animals: Never disrespect the cat

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 31 829

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 503

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 734

You deserved it 8 166

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 575

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 932

You deserved it 4 623

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 150

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 638

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 330

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 179

You deserved it 16 610

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 182

You deserved it 8 225

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 2 202

coolster56 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:04

that's sorta cute next time don't lift cats

Djlatino 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:07

Simba wasn't very happy

Comments

BucketOJam 0

Monday 22 February 2010 17:02

You shouldn't have picked up the cat then, idiot.

fridayschild713 0

Monday 22 February 2010 17:25

Hah! You idiot. You make me ashamed to be from Missouri: Asante Sana Squash banana!

VampirePenguin 0

Monday 22 February 2010 17:33

WIN

BM13HC 0

Monday 22 February 2010 18:53

YDI for not learning from other people's FAILs >.> seriously I've seen this posted like 2 or 3 times

ipwnallmen 10

Monday 22 February 2010 19:11

what about sailor moon abridged, 72? BOTH that and little kuriboh's are the king and queen of abrigded series!!!and snick is a beautiful young lady, so yeah people, hush!

ChihiruLee 0

Monday 22 February 2010 19:20

SNICK is Sailor Moon. DUH

ChihiruLee 0

Monday 22 February 2010 19:22

^^I didn't know they had computers in prison. How are the animal rape charges going? Having sex with the horse as well as the lion and then running around the zoo naked might not have helped.

ChihiruLee 0

Monday 22 February 2010 19:29

Op, if were were Rafiki, you would have been able to engage the cat in battle. Also you would have known the difference between a cat and a lion. But had you gone to Africa, picked up a baby cub and done this, you would be DEAD. So perhaps you got the better deal? So unless you are making a new movie, the Circle of Retarded, then get a new hobby.

hawkie409 0

Monday 22 February 2010 20:12

Simba: The king would like to be put down now.. You: Whos the cute and adorable kitty??? yooouuu aaarrreeeee!!! Simba: *hiss* you: Ohh a mighty roar from the king of the-*scratchidy scrach* You obviously ignored the kings wishes.