Intimacy, Sex and Movies: Nice!

Nice!

By kill me now - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 325

You deserved it 7 010

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Same thing different taste

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 115

You deserved it 29 358

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 027

You deserved it 1 716

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 956

You deserved it 339 273

By the critic - 18/06/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 357

You deserved it 6 021

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 114

You deserved it 7 253

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 1 937

What is the real feeling?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 05:15

Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 2 465

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 727

You deserved it 4 147

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 1 556

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 29 215

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Comments

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Regulate 21

Monday 16 January 2017 21:46

<p>Even Run, Fatboy, Run?</p>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 16 January 2017 22:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Silverfeathery 21

Monday 16 January 2017 22:41

Must be something about Simon Pegg...

fmlinact 12

Monday 16 January 2017 22:45

Anyone feel like watching a Simon Pegg movie? When's the next one cuming out :P?

stoneybadger78 6

Monday 16 January 2017 22:46

That's over 43 dicks sucked!

D0minik 9

Monday 16 January 2017 23:18

could all be the same dick. hopefully. Stay classy San Diego

D0minik 9

Monday 16 January 2017 23:27

that can be the same dick just 's lot of times. Hopefully. stay classy San Diego

Balphleair 24

Monday 16 January 2017 22:49

Your life sucks

Arashikage 18

Tuesday 17 January 2017 0:21

If only there was a button to show that instead of typing it out

J352SAURUS 30

Tuesday 17 January 2017 6:01

I think the comment has more to do with the "sucks" part... referring to blow jobs...

badassmf1234 22

Monday 16 January 2017 23:39

You must really like Simon Pegg

Talis99 26

Monday 16 January 2017 23:41

What brought you to even figure that out?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at my job as a hotel housekeeper, I accidentally entered the room of someone who hadn't left yet. To my horror, the man inside was having a massive heart attack. I just found out he passed away, despite immediate medical intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 83

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 175

The Top

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 275

You deserved it 554

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 826

You deserved it 3 364

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 2 976

Today, while I was working at a call center, a customer was pranking me using an obviously fake Asian accent. He kept saying his name was “Phuck Mi”, his phone number was 666-3629 (as in "Sex sex sex free sex tonight") and making moaning noises and sexual phrases. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 133

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 698

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make myself feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 242

You deserved it 6 556