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By kill me now - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 7 041

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 116

You deserved it 29 360

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 032

You deserved it 1 719

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 962

You deserved it 339 288

By the critic - 18/06/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 360

You deserved it 6 025

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 122

You deserved it 7 259

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 1 942

What is the real feeling?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 05:15

Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 469

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 741

You deserved it 4 148

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 986

You deserved it 1 556

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 29 218

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Comments

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Regulate 21

Monday 16 January 2017 21:46

<p>Even Run, Fatboy, Run?</p>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 16 January 2017 22:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Silverfeathery 21

Monday 16 January 2017 22:41

Must be something about Simon Pegg...

fmlinact 12

Monday 16 January 2017 22:45

Anyone feel like watching a Simon Pegg movie? When's the next one cuming out :P?

stoneybadger78 6

Monday 16 January 2017 22:46

That's over 43 dicks sucked!

D0minik 9

Monday 16 January 2017 23:18

could all be the same dick. hopefully. Stay classy San Diego

D0minik 9

Monday 16 January 2017 23:27

that can be the same dick just 's lot of times. Hopefully. stay classy San Diego

Balphleair 24

Monday 16 January 2017 22:49

Your life sucks

Arashikage 18

Tuesday 17 January 2017 0:21

If only there was a button to show that instead of typing it out

J352SAURUS 30

Tuesday 17 January 2017 6:01

I think the comment has more to do with the "sucks" part... referring to blow jobs...

badassmf1234 22

Monday 16 January 2017 23:39

You must really like Simon Pegg

Talis99 26

Monday 16 January 2017 23:41

What brought you to even figure that out?

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The Top

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 4 064

Today, I found out that yet another of my guy friends liked me. I then posted on social media that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 045

You deserved it 68 506

The Top

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 684

You deserved it 3 733

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 881

You deserved it 21 312

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 2 522

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 2 844

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 10 082

Today, my wife of 8 years bumped into my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. Despite having never met one another and no overlap in our dating, they both knew each other, but both acted like they didn’t. My ex proceeded to have an anxiety attack, and my wife played aggressive mind games with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 115