Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: No. Just… No.

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 391

You deserved it 8 831

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 353

Bragging

By lastalittlelonger - 05/12/2009 09:07 - United States

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 3 173

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 978

You deserved it 7 356

Douche

By YouDontSay - 10/05/2015 15:35 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 583

You deserved it 6 917

By workhoe - 20/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 003

You deserved it 1 760

Caught

By Anonanon - 12/07/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after, he gave me the "let's just be friends" speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex-girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 922

You deserved it 13 841

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 246

You deserved it 1 240

Dodgy

By jsw029 - 26/02/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 150

You deserved it 20 923

By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 993

You deserved it 9 412

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 912

Nevermind212 11

Thursday 22 August 2013 12:08

Thanks god you didn't say your boyfriend

Queensland 27

Thursday 22 August 2013 12:09

Dodged a bullet there OP. Better sex once then no more, than him coming back and using you for sex.

Comments

Poetaster 10

Thursday 22 August 2013 16:16

"The guy"?.... Did you know him?

TheAngryPrincess 3

Thursday 22 August 2013 18:27

Don't have sex. You'll get pregnant and die.

OnlyTheDarkest 17

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:05

What the ****..? Shit... Better go make a will since I'm gonna all the sudden have a kid and then die. Gotta provide for it!

CharresBarkrey 15

Friday 23 August 2013 0:12

48 - All of a sudden* And this is from a movie, calm down.

mFUNdo21 17

Friday 23 August 2013 22:35

it's a movie reference bud

wobbley 9

Thursday 22 August 2013 18:37

what an ass, better off without him

Imaginationn 6

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:07

if he wasnt your boyfriend then I would just forget about it

HAno97 12

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:18

Hm...well maybe you weren't doing somethin right:P

pedinhuh 23

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:39

To be fair, sex is kind of awkward...

reymon8823 24

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:55

Damn that really sucks

papasik 6

Thursday 22 August 2013 20:55

Do you think you must be straight now?

Inked0803 12

Thursday 22 August 2013 21:47

Yeah I'm sure having a small dick and a big ego is very awkward

TheWhiteLotus 5

Thursday 22 August 2013 22:34

If you're going by **** as your guidelines for how it should be done, then going by everything in the Bible must be in your line of logic, as well.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 005

You deserved it 3 398

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

You deserved it 5 868

The Top

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 676

You deserved it 6 311

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as "Dad" to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in, or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 676

You deserved it 331

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 3 629

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 120

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 762

You deserved it 932

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn't believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 119