Noisy lover

By Foxy17 - 05/08/2020 05:01

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 161

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Same thing different taste

By HeartToFart - 08/07/2014 23:37 - United States - North Port

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 770

You deserved it 6 728

Feelin' sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 20:00

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 154

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 04/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend refuses to follow her doctor-mandated diet, which results in, among other things, utterly rancid gas. It's so foul that I've taken to sleeping on the couch, and I'm seriously considering hiring a prostitute so I can have sex without gagging on the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 223

Pros and cons

By Nope - 10/11/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend only gets horny on her period. Unfortunately, she also gets extremely gassy, so I get to smell her vile farts the entire time. I think this relationship is turning me asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 155

Bricked up

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 22:00

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 178

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 206

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 249

You deserved it 6 807

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 135

You deserved it 5 479

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 218

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 194

WintressSoldier37 27

Wednesday 5 August 2020 5:46

Your wife seriously needs to be more understanding! Life happens. Sorry OP

TCRII 29

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:00

First of all, let’s all agree that 69 is out of the question.....

Comments

WintressSoldier37 27

Wednesday 5 August 2020 5:46

Your wife seriously needs to be more understanding! Life happens. Sorry OP

TCRII 29

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:00

First of all, let’s all agree that 69 is out of the question.....

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:36

I agree! And definitely not a rusty trombone!

Allsmash123 10

Wednesday 5 August 2020 6:08

Your pfp is a girl how are you gonna get an erection lol

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 5 August 2020 14:35

I know it's not virile to have trouble getting an erection, but you don't have to classify yourself as a woman.

Mathalamus 24

Wednesday 5 August 2020 16:24

Let’s see, staying Ali e with no erection and farts, or risking death. It’s an easy choice.

26octhumbug 13

Thursday 6 August 2020 2:59

Talk to your doctor, there might be alternatives to consider

kt80_9800 12

Thursday 6 August 2020 7:07

Tell your doctor about this there are often other alternatives. But please don’t just stop taking them or you’ll be even worse off in the end.

Jonkbaby 22

Thursday 6 August 2020 16:17

I wonder if I have that same medication, I've been farting it up lately

BurnInDemonFire 34

Friday 7 August 2020 1:53

Buy a buttplug.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 276

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 13 444

The Top

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 215

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 060

You deserved it 3 937

Today, I woke up to the realization that I had slept through my alarm, missed a crucial work meeting, and dreamt that I was the CEO of a company that manufactured alarm clocks. I now fear that my subconscious is mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 140

Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 457

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 171

You deserved it 3 974

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 999

You deserved it 3 360

Same thing different taste

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