Intimacy: Not now!

Not now!

By Victim - 27/06/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 451

You deserved it 10 091

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 150

You deserved it 6 231

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 7 721

By "mbrider" - 12/08/2017 16:00

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 898

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 5 105

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 18:43 - United States - Springfield

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 2 177

Looking cool

By Anonymous - 18/05/2014 04:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 866

You deserved it 6 084

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 12 514

Sick moves, bro

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 55 376

By mytoehurts - 26/06/2015 13:09 - Canada - Ayr

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 2 883

shotgunner2 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:16

hahaha i hope the people tying you down were chicks in bikinis

seb12992 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 19:16

Ouch. Were you being strapped down by a group of hot girls?

Comments

ImTheAlpha 30

Thursday 8 March 2012 21:24

RANDOM BONER! Lmaø, I love those. They're always funny, and occur at the WORST of times. xD

pcentral 17

Monday 11 June 2012 13:22

Bondage turns me on too ;)

gxrockstar 9

Wednesday 18 September 2013 0:33

sounds like you may like bondage :P

GAMERZxxHD 25

Monday 30 September 2013 5:47

I hope that it was a woman strapping you down. Less awkward if it was girl instead of a guy.

jordzy 8

Monday 23 December 2013 1:17

It's hard being a dude

ChakatBlackstar 29

Friday 3 July 2015 20:46

ah, nothing like a fetish to make a day at work awkward.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 566

You deserved it 205

Today, my dad has been faking social anxiety to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. How do I know? Because I actually have social anxiety, and he not only shows no symptoms of it, but he also has a lot of misconceptions about it that he would know are false if he actually did have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 180

The Top

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile, I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 1 766

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 157

You deserved it 28 787

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 98

Today, I was delivering the HiLux my dad bought for my brother's birthday. At a red light, my bitter ex-girlfriend saw me and threw a roadworks sign at me, breaking the driver's side window. My brother insists I probably did it myself out of jealousy, so our dad is making me pay for the repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 150

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 130

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 300

You deserved it 735