Intimacy: Not smart

Not smart

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 566

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Same thing different taste

Happy?

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 692

You deserved it 6 828

What the…?

By willywonks - 21/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 294

You deserved it 8 318

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 881

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 591

You deserved it 18 055

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 1 019

Hiya!

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 215

You deserved it 6 273

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 71 792

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 379

You deserved it 9 945

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 28 295

By anonymous - 24/06/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 909

You deserved it 3 733

Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:29

Nice entrance, Romeo.

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:38

Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.

Comments

loveshell 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 0:24

OMG UR AWESOME!!! damn wish my boyfriend would do that =[

Nok27 1

Friday 21 May 2010 2:12

Does only 24 thrusts seem really short to anyone else?

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Wednesday 30 December 2015 2:38

I'm surprised it took 49 comments for someone to say this! I thought the same thing.

danyfuckinheatle 0

Friday 4 June 2010 7:36

thata boy hahaha

dallyy 0

Monday 6 September 2010 7:55

thumbs up !

Efilyn 0

Monday 13 September 2010 8:15

If she's twenty four it's her choice.

_Ama_Lia_V_ 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 13:21

Ew...What ? Lmfao

scippy 0

Monday 11 October 2010 17:38

great idea!!

zebrapattern 6

Wednesday 8 December 2010 7:04

#36: he's not necessarily from France; when someone doesn't enter where they're from when they post their FML, it automatically says they're from France because that's here this website was created. so OP really mean to stay "stab", and really is that stupid.