Anxiety, Cars, Mugging and Health: Oh lawd, he comin'

Oh lawd, he comin'

By logkitty - 10/04/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 592

You deserved it 12 846

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Same thing different taste

By parkinglotslayer - 11/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 47 738

Freakout

By ParanoidFreak - 31/12/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 944

You deserved it 40 249

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 944

You deserved it 3 136

Freaked out

By CriminalMistake - 04/05/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 666

You deserved it 63 211

By anonymous - 20/12/2010 11:23

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 114

You deserved it 3 268

By JustWashedTheseJeans - 25/10/2016 01:05

Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 194

You deserved it 1 927

Bystander

By Chops - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 315

You deserved it 4 523

Community policing

By phant776 - 13/05/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration, so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize, and I was hit with a big stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 435

You deserved it 9 317

By lamed - 04/12/2009 22:01 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 14 781

HEY YOU

By stabbed with kindness - 02/03/2013 21:44 - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 45 198

poindextrr 2

Tuesday 10 April 2012 11:44

sounds like you live in the ideal neighbourhood!!!

Techtacular 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 12:17

Now if that was really a gun, is your defense still puking?

Comments

alexicanaaa 7

Tuesday 10 April 2012 13:33

Wow. Some people are just so stupid. I don't even care if this gets thumbed down fifty thousand times, that person is completely stupid. Ydi.

juicifer 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 13:40

Racist. Way to go Zimmerman

perdix 29

Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:34

If you were the Wicked Witch of the West, your panic would be justified. Or, a gremlin.

twisted_cherub 14

Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:56

Even then, I'm not sure vomiting would have helped the situation. Should've called for her flying monkeys.

perdix 29

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:45

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little . . . *burp* . . . dog . . . BWAAAAAAHH!" Yep, kinda ruins it, huh?

mashimashi 13

Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:40

The next step of the OP's paranoia is to pepper spray him/herself while attempting to evade his/her own shadow.

pimpcracker 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 14:41

ummm u have some serious issues if u freak out that easily!

hqbrat 8

Wednesday 11 April 2012 4:33

It's not that you have issues it's the way your parents in my case parent raised you

cmcmluver 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:17

"give me all it money or ill soak and ruin all ur car upholstery and leave u with an uncomfortable ride home" :o

karmicsamadi86 9

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:21

That's an interesting reaction!

Wellwhateverthen 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:46

Paranoid as hell.

emmaweeee 0

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:48

Who freaks out that bad that they throw up almost instantly? You're screwed if you ever do get robbed, unless the robber slips and falls in your puddle of vomit knocking himself out... fyl op

runnamuk 6

Tuesday 10 April 2012 15:54

True story. Worst survival technique ever.

jisaac09 25

Tuesday 10 April 2012 23:57

You do realize that this technic and others like it is commonly deployed effectively in the animal kingdom, don't you? Op was just losing excess weight to aid in her (assuming) escape. I think it is a very interesting strategy, to say the least.