Sex, Thief and Intimacy: One night stand

One night stand

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 17 637

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By pittmanw - 18/07/2016 02:54 - United States - Jackson

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 443

You deserved it 1 083

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 370

You deserved it 35 065

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 20:23

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 387

You deserved it 7 763

By Username - 04/08/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 015

You deserved it 3 833

By Noname - 13/03/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 784

You deserved it 54 240

Legged it

By poserpilot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 6 819

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 4 309

By -_- - 30/08/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 060

You deserved it 4 080

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 315

You deserved it 287

By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 970

You deserved it 2 411

Chinnithy 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:04

you should sleep with him again and steal them back

Freeze_fml 16

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:08

This is why you don't have sex with random people.

Comments

forestqueenie 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 12:22

at least hr didn't steal your kidney

CreateZ 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 12:41

I'm guessing he knew your ****** was fake.

iLuvCupcakesxoxo 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 13:13

I bet he stole a bar of soap too hahaha.... I mean aww how sad. but damn lost UR pillows and the guy u had a one night stand..maybe u sucked (or not) N he was like, "man that was...ooh nice pillows" and decided to take them.. TA ******* DA

TheWicked 4

Thursday 14 October 2010 13:21

lol, I'm so gonna do this the next time I have a ONS

zakkyzebra 11

Thursday 14 October 2010 14:03

but... you're a cat...!

iHateThisLife 10

Thursday 14 October 2010 14:08

Looks like he stole more than ur pillows. He also stole ur innocence.

MeyMeyChan 6

Thursday 14 October 2010 14:24

If they were fluffy.. Comfy pillows... I'd steal them too! :3

mxracer86 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 15:14

*****

mrmaks18 7

Thursday 14 October 2010 15:32

next time hide the bed so nothing else goes missing

aardvarkish 15

Thursday 14 October 2010 16:04

Good call!

fmylking 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 16:00

lol what a dick

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 84 243

The Top

Today, carrying my 10-month old niece down the stairs, I missed a step. Protecting her on the way down, I badly sprained my right foot and snapped the ligament in my left. I now can’t walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 174

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 341

You deserved it 5 781

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 2 060

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 547

You deserved it 1 920

Today, my mom texted me, “I just want you to know I love you very much.” Touched, I replied, “I love you too, Mom!” Her next message said, “Oops, wrong person.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 60

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 954

You deserved it 3 412

One night stand

Same thing different taste

Legged it

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