Insulting and Love: Rare and inventive insult - FML

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 565

You deserved it 3 816

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 719

You deserved it 4 946

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 2 457

He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 697

You deserved it 10 343

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 772

You deserved it 5 129

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 286

You deserved it 11 865

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 774

You deserved it 4 031

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 3 920

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 1 259

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 523

You deserved it 15 015

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 2 633

Next

Top comments

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Comments

extremeEDITION 3

Monday 27 April 2015 8:31

I would of told him if that is the case I'll help serve them and if he wanted them chopped now or later. you dodged a bullet honey! sometimes dreams are nightmares in a beautiful mirage

alyssacornett 15

Monday 27 April 2015 8:31

sounds like a dickhole

alliegraywords 13

Monday 27 April 2015 8:57

Charming.

siggy_mcsigx 22

Monday 27 April 2015 11:07

Chase a real man, not an ideal figment

abNormal62 23

Monday 27 April 2015 11:40

Should have fed them to him

ZoroMiHawk 25

Monday 27 April 2015 12:42

Call his bluff

Vegetarian27 24

Monday 27 April 2015 14:02

That can be arranged.

wildmonkey 16

Monday 27 April 2015 14:40

Sounds dreamy...

noodleboix 10

Monday 27 April 2015 16:03

Jeez, a simple "no" would've sufficed. What an ass

SplineMan 4

Monday 27 April 2015 16:21

"OK, I'm waiting. I've got all night."

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Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 800

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

The Top

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 837

You deserved it 62 113

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 660

You deserved it 44 712

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 725

You deserved it 2 218

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 044

You deserved it 300

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 080

You deserved it 46 230

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 875

You deserved it 8 856