Health, Food and Painful: Right back!

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 932

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Same thing different taste

Say it, don't spray it

By ... - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 925

You deserved it 2 301

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

By Jesska - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 7 238

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

You deserved it 46 607

Freak out

By zAstonish - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 4 197

Read the room

By Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 2 182

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 4 724

Paranoid

By MaddyN - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 043

You deserved it 3 537

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 546

Deez nuts

By needtoscratch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 388

You deserved it 1 845

Lobby_Bee 17

Friday 12 May 2017 16:13

Maybe cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze? Lesson learned, the hard way.

wafflesandwich 4

Sunday 14 May 2017 21:29

thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me

Comments

Lobby_Bee 17

Friday 12 May 2017 16:13

Maybe cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze? Lesson learned, the hard way.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 12 May 2017 16:59

First rule of entertainment: Don't eat in front of your fans.

WyldGundam 19

Friday 12 May 2017 21:58

The new, effective way to disarm attackers: The Hot Snot Rocket. Get yours today!

semple7 15

Saturday 13 May 2017 2:14

At least your eyes were already closed

Druu 53

Saturday 13 May 2017 3:20

And that's the SECOND WORST thing you can spray into your eyes.

wafflesandwich 4

Sunday 14 May 2017 21:29

thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me

wafflesandwich 4

Sunday 14 May 2017 21:29

thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me

PotetGull99 2

Tuesday 16 May 2017 9:58

Your fan was just so happy to see you and wanted to share what you gave it!

Lemou_fml 25

Saturday 27 May 2017 6:31

One big YDI. Cover your mouth, you're not 5 are you?

Keywords

Gross Health Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Christmas Ironic Work Gamers Holidays Video games Public freakouts AITA Gifts Am I overreacting? Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Racism Family Toxic Friends Drunk Coworkers Furniture Parents Intimacy Sex Lonely Relatable Money

The Top

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 10 594

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 335

You deserved it 19 742

The Top

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 482

You deserved it 4 711

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 055

You deserved it 6 008

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 908

You deserved it 2 294

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 891

You deserved it 11 788

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 1 556

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 693

You deserved it 9 059

Same thing different taste

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