Health: Ring of fire

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 206

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 745

You deserved it 1 436

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 046

You deserved it 2 967

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 052

You deserved it 32 409

Fire in the hole!

By CarrieBerrie - 14/08/2020 17:01

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 520

Wiped out

By STIgary - 17/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 302

By susan - 24/02/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438

You deserved it 3 297

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 22:00

Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 182

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 893

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 29 December 2020 21:51

People usually pay a lot of money for anal bleaching. Your wife got you that on the cheap -- she's a keeper!

SylvanXanthias 15

Wednesday 30 December 2020 5:11

Slight upside: at least it was you who the wrong wipes got used on, and not an actual baby!

Comments

ViviMage 38

Tuesday 29 December 2020 20:52

That is on your wife not to use the wrong container to refill, exactly for this reason! I've heard of the man that thought he was using eye drops and poured bleach into his eyes because the wife filled the eye dropper bottle with bleach to deal with foot fungus. Bleach does not belong on or in your body. I hope you flushed your backside with lots of clean water to get the bleach off before it hurts your inner plumbing! FYL!