Intimacy: Run faster

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 171

You deserved it 79 280

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Same thing different taste

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 005

You deserved it 158 333

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 18 569

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 544

You deserved it 53 653

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 198

You deserved it 5 769

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Grâces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 4 573

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 597

You deserved it 18 057

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 149

By babysitter - 06/01/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 14 354

The show must go on

By gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 10 622

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 23/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 122

FlightNav 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:19

Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.

amirn86 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:18

Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me

Comments

junomcguff_fml 0

Friday 10 July 2009 18:05

I think that shirt is related to the "I'm with stupid" xD

george456 0

Monday 18 January 2010 18:54

YDI for wearing the shirt! I hope you're not looking for sympathy.

iluvpink10 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 1:54

hahaha I bet u made a very nice impression:)

dclayy 0

Friday 29 July 2011 14:35

hahaha!

Norrec86 7

Saturday 3 September 2011 16:03

If it was a joke why did you wear it in public?

CoffeeCatsnBacon 5

Friday 15 November 2013 13:26

Like a birthday candle :) How could that possibly be mistaken?

derpy_batman 4

Friday 31 January 2014 0:59

How did you not notice the shirt you were wearing?

MasonSoccer23 15

Monday 28 December 2015 5:55

Where can you even possibly get a shirt that says that?!

Anonymous12316 0

Wednesday 4 January 2017 23:46

Well.......was it your b-day?

Keywords

Toxic Family Miscellaneous Food Love Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Kids Awkward Drugs Music Crush Lonely Relatable Wanker Intimacy Animals Cats Coworkers Work Embarrassing Sleep Transportation Airplanes Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 95

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 268

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 482

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 879

You deserved it 4 036

Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 2 958

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 057

You deserved it 104 332

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 119

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody's there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that, "It's canceled due to bad weather." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 406

You deserved it 1 801

Run faster

Same thing different taste

The show must go on

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