Intimacy: Run faster

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 170

You deserved it 79 271

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Same thing different taste

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 003

You deserved it 158 320

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 18 565

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 539

You deserved it 53 647

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 189

You deserved it 5 766

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Grâces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 4 572

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 590

You deserved it 18 053

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 146

By babysitter - 06/01/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 701

You deserved it 14 347

The show must go on

By gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 10 616

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 876

You deserved it 34 528

FlightNav 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:19

Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.

amirn86 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:18

Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me

Comments

HotAsIce99 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:13

LOL NICE

DarkPrince_fml 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 19:06

good friends -no sarcasm-

violetrider123 3

Thursday 24 March 2011 18:09

why the hell you would wear that in public is beyond me

mstangchck 9

Saturday 26 November 2011 3:40

Aha epic!

Miller_Time 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:15

Great shirt.

amirn86 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:18

Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me

FlightNav 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:19

Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.

MiGman 5

Monday 21 June 2010 3:46

at least he was wearing all his clothes

fml123459 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:24

not gonna lie thats funny as hell. thats why you cannot wear those shirts man!

Gawain_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:26

So, did the mom drop to her knees to blow you...or the dad?

alex_vik 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:26

So you don't look at what you wear?

Jasper_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:30

never wear shirts like that in public. never.

lorenitavefajita 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:34

lmfaooo sucks! haha i would never wear that out in public

helen__fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:35

lmao...

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 774

You deserved it 2 046

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 56

The Top

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 949

You deserved it 3 045

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 154

You deserved it 11 478

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 49 717

Today, I had a nightmare in which my abuser came back into my life… but with gothy makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 91

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 400

You deserved it 551

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 518

You deserved it 7 983

Run faster

Same thing different taste

The show must go on

Surprise!

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