Intimacy and Sex: Sex ed failure - FML

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Sex ed failure

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 19:00

Spicy

Today, in the heat of losing our virginity, I asked him to “suck my clit, suck my clit, oh god please suck my clit.” He stopped what he was doing and asked me, “What’s a clit?” I almost strangled him. Don’t date boys homeschooled by single mamas, they’ll break your heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 215

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Same thing different taste

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 547

You deserved it 15 223

Not going so well, is it?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 07:54 - United States - Riverside

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 159

You deserved it 10 107

Child abuse

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 07:58

Spicy

Today, we’re both 19 and on our third date I tried to get intimate with him. He asked what I was doing. Turns out his bible-thumping mom censored his entire life, such as zero internet access, and homeschooled him to make sure he never, ever learned about sex. He’s 19 and truly has no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 272

Sweet summer child

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 282

Dick appointment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Spicy

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 296

Nearly there

By baby_trex_arms - 05/05/2015 15:13 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 486

You deserved it 5 742

Sex ed is ******

By danmarino - 09/03/2009 23:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to Google it when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 824

You deserved it 83 898

Poor perfomance

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 634

Pushy

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 22:02

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 1 907

Next

Top comments

Lost Reggie 21

Saturday 1 February 2025 20:17

Point to it, say "suck that" and continue.

thinman12345 16

Sunday 2 February 2025 1:21

So you’re upset that a first timer isn’t a pro? Teach him what you like and you’ll be happy.

Comments

Lost Reggie 21

Saturday 1 February 2025 20:17

Point to it, say "suck that" and continue.

thinman12345 16

Sunday 2 February 2025 1:21

So you’re upset that a first timer isn’t a pro? Teach him what you like and you’ll be happy.

core01 30

Sunday 2 February 2025 4:25

He doesn't know basic anatomy. That is appalling

thinman12345 16

Sunday 2 February 2025 16:18

Basic anatomy that he doesn’t have.

core01 30

Monday 3 February 2025 3:11

Basic anatomy he WANTS to play with. As if this info isn't at your finger tips

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The Top

Today, my wife went and bought a set of fancy, expensive towels and threw all our old towels away. These new towels don't dry. I've been rubbing myself for ten minutes and I'm still wet. How did she buy expensive, broken towels? How do you make a towel that doesn't dry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 82

Today, I got home from two years working abroad and my parents had a surprise party to welcome me back… and introduce me to my baby brother. Turns out my mum got pregnant while I was away and convinced the whole family to keep it a secret so it would be a big surprise. He’s almost a year old already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 89

The Top

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 412

You deserved it 265

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 1 819

Today, I got in the elevator with my dog and pressed the button for my floor. Instead of going up, it dropped two floors and opened up to a random basement room filled with nothing but mannequins, and wouldn't go back up. I had to fumble our way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 87

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 938

You deserved it 7 432

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 142

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 835

You deserved it 2 664