Customers and Work: SIR!

SIR!

By twatstick - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 126

You deserved it 3 432

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Same thing different taste

Pissed

By Anonymous - 19/11/2023 03:00 - Cayman Islands - George Town

Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 349

By Confused and Disgusted - 23/02/2015 23:42 - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 293

You deserved it 2 441

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 779

By whitecollar - 05/12/2012 02:43 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 044

You deserved it 33 427

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 907

You deserved it 5 805

By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 468

You deserved it 34 069

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 024

You deserved it 49 776

Bad day #74746

By orourkeda - 14/04/2021 10:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 188

By Anonymous - 18/10/2012 06:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 724

You deserved it 2 480

By Snails - 12/06/2019 20:00

Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 734

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 21 August 2013 23:02

I hope you work at a grocery store. Otherwise this FML goes from kinky to truly bizarre.

ballettillidie 8

Wednesday 21 August 2013 23:01

Please use the lotion instead.

Comments

NiZZALooNY 9

Thursday 22 August 2013 6:55

how did she deserve it..

Jabray 10

Thursday 22 August 2013 8:12

Didn't need that mental image.

flying_turtle_14 7

Thursday 22 August 2013 11:42

That takes playing with your food to a whole new level.

XSabinX 3

Thursday 22 August 2013 16:54

Aww, c'mon. Give peas a chance!!!

DWynter 11

Thursday 22 August 2013 18:12

I'm just trying to figure out why you'd say that - unless some one was rubbing peas on them self? Like #4 says, I hope you work at a grocery store.

NOACCEPTANCE772 21

Thursday 22 August 2013 19:03

Happened here in Nottingham? Where not shit happens? Hard to believe...

jimmywithsalt 19

Thursday 22 August 2013 22:29

Haha I love how this is worded, OP! :)

maggiewalters 17

Friday 23 August 2013 0:04

Were they in a pack, frozen? Otherwise i cant see how this would work...

Bludmagnus 13

Sunday 1 September 2013 10:58

OMG... I really don't want to know more details.. and that is the first time I have ever said that to an FML that is so short....

BlackFire4890 16

Friday 6 March 2015 1:30

ROTFLMFAO

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 1 159

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

The Top

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 453

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 342

You deserved it 1 955

Today, I put some leggings on and I was feeling pretty good about how well they fit since I've been trying to slim down. Then I noticed the tag. Not only are they a size larger than I usually wear, but I also stretched them so badly that "Spandex" is now two words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 170

You deserved it 2 126

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year-old male customer went into explicit detail about the "adults only" programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming, and tries out on his 70 year-old wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 015

You deserved it 6 524

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 10 907

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 836

You deserved it 4 075

SIR!

Same thing different taste

Pissed

Bad day #74746

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