Shopping, Farts and Health: Stealth

Stealth

By smellyhair - 02/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 141

You deserved it 3 867

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Same thing different taste

By oops - 04/03/2016 21:28 - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 047

You deserved it 3 420

Own it!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 438

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 569

You deserved it 41 812

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 08:28 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 3 833

By Stinky and Single - 06/08/2015 23:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 764

You deserved it 6 705

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 618

You deserved it 2 939

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 697

You deserved it 7 924

By whipplewhip - 30/06/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 446

You deserved it 3 627

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 525

You deserved it 13 279

thecuriouskat 20

Sunday 2 November 2014 17:46

Honestly, would it have been that hard to say "Excuse me sir, but would you please move?"

kinky44 28

Sunday 2 November 2014 17:52

Behavior like that just blows me away.

Comments

DenverTyrrell 13

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:28

What did you do? I would have kicked off at him big time! That's discussing! FYL sorry

2ru 14

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:47

I almost choked reading this.

chidexy 21

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:52

Well if he farts like this all the time then he's wife probably knows how it smells. She would know it wasn't you

NLM22 14

Monday 3 November 2014 5:16

lol I know what you mean. I could tell if my mother's fared with my eyes closed.... so sad .. I know!!

ryebread94 9

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:52

90% positive that this was my dad...

mamadeco 7

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:58

did u ask?

chrisgregory1993 3

Sunday 2 November 2014 19:59

ow man I'm so easily amused 'bows head in shame'.

demonfacee 14

Sunday 2 November 2014 20:02

That's gotta stink. The wife knows it's him who farted, she's just afraid to point out his flaws.

mr1234 6

Sunday 2 November 2014 20:07

just say "excuse me" and make them move; they're the ones that are in they way. especially when they obviously have no shame like this person.

maharb01 17

Sunday 2 November 2014 20:30

say "whoever smelt it, dealt it"

taylorbrown97 23

Sunday 2 November 2014 20:42

Try saying excuse me?

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I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 548

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 080

The Top

Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 282

You deserved it 3 932

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 791

You deserved it 8 627

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I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 366

Today, I realized my "year-round allergies" might have been the result of a nearly 2-inch nostril hair I trimmed out last week. Years of constant sneezing and leaky nose with no medicine helping it, suddenly gone. I can't believe I've suffered half my life thinking I had super allergies, over one stray nose hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 173

Today, I told my mom that I'd vomited blood. She simply said, “Good” and went back to watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 112

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 897

You deserved it 13 669