Dogs, Poopoo peepee, Weddings and Health: Stuck

Stuck

By notmansbestfriend - 12/08/2013 16:09 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 273

You deserved it 7 851

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 21:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 956

You deserved it 8 205

By monkeywrench - 30/08/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 973

You deserved it 1 793

By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 912

You deserved it 253

Food for thought

By that’s what you get - 05/08/2020 17:02

Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 206

You OK in there?

By stinkypants - 10/11/2011 03:15 - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 788

You deserved it 11 865

In a rush

By Crappy - 11/04/2015 12:12 - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 506

You deserved it 2 995

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 303

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 4 987

By Devin - 21/06/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 725

By dirtyfoot - 18/01/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 105

You deserved it 2 445

olpally 32

Monday 12 August 2013 22:14

I've heard of "my dog ate my homework" excuse, but this is a new one. Go find another one at a store and quick!

mandygrl25 18

Monday 12 August 2013 22:17

Why did you keep the suit within your dogs reach?

Comments

Barriaultcory 16

Monday 12 August 2013 22:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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LissaMccracken 23

Monday 12 August 2013 22:18

How is that a good idea??

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 12 August 2013 22:26

It's an idea that's so terrible it loops all the way back around to awesome!

lordslaya53 14

Monday 12 August 2013 22:26

What if the dog ate his birthday suit? *shudders*

fml1365 30

Monday 12 August 2013 22:42

I sea you had a ruff time.

Arrow44 10

Monday 12 August 2013 23:27

Damnit we already had a bad pun string on a FML yesterday let's not start this again.

fml1365 30

Monday 12 August 2013 23:28

What one :)

Barriaultcory 16

Monday 12 August 2013 23:38

It isn't a good idea but idk what would be in that situation

olpally 32

Monday 12 August 2013 22:14

I've heard of "my dog ate my homework" excuse, but this is a new one. Go find another one at a store and quick!

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 12 August 2013 22:22

I used 'my dog ate my homework' as an excuse one time. The teacher didn't believe me so I showed her the video. The really hard part was getting the kibble to stick to the pages!

singer0421 32

Monday 12 August 2013 22:14

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Omfgitsmia 15

Monday 12 August 2013 22:21

He probably lives alone.

SeedlessMe 13

Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:42

Yes, I will attest to that. When you live alone with a dog, you're not allowed to have privacy. Lol

webbface 25

Tuesday 13 August 2013 10:33

Especially if you are ******** like OP, the door being open is a good thing. Sea food coming back out could be quite suffocating if trapped in.

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 12 August 2013 22:15

Can't always trust seafood. Too many FMLs about the trouble it causes.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Monday 12 August 2013 23:25

I bet he, too, now "seas food differently."

crackmore278 13

Monday 12 August 2013 22:16

That dog is in for one heck of a time out

LowExpectations 30

Tuesday 13 August 2013 19:24

God damn it, you got me picturing a dog in a tux being the classiest party guest ever.

Altar_fml 2

Monday 12 August 2013 22:16

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LissaMccracken 23

Monday 12 August 2013 22:19

Sisters wedding, not his.

eddeeezzyy 19

Tuesday 13 August 2013 1:13

Plot twist: OP is marrying his sister.

mandygrl25 18

Monday 12 August 2013 22:17

Why did you keep the suit within your dogs reach?

tounces7 27

Monday 12 August 2013 22:18

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BrookRae 19

Monday 12 August 2013 22:37

OP was using the bathroom when it happened.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Monday 12 August 2013 23:37

So once your dog starts chewing on your clothes and shoes, you just say **** it and take him to a new home? You really shouldn't get a dog if you don't think it'll chew on your stuff. It's a damn dog. Or are you saying its ok if they chew on shoes, but not clothes? Or vice versa? I'm lost by your comment, either way it's just dumb.

tounces7 27

Tuesday 13 August 2013 3:00

If your dog can actually watch you taking a shit and tear your stuff up right in front of you(which I assume he was telling the dog to stop), then your dog is an asshole.

Mifflicious 18

Tuesday 13 August 2013 13:40

If the dog tear stuff apart ( unless it's a puppy ), it has probably not been trained properly. Especially if the owner can see the dog but still not even be able to make it stop.

perdix 29

Monday 12 August 2013 22:20

It's best that you don't go anyways. They're serving raw shrimp at weddings these days, so you'd be stuck on the toilet for a few more days afterwards.

drewflav 17

Monday 12 August 2013 23:34

I'm surprised you chose to quote that particular FML Perdix. For those of you that don't know, the FML involved a seafood manager fired for a customer complaint regarding raw shrimp served at a wedding. The customer was too stupid to realize that they needed to cook it first and the employee suffered because of it.