Pranks, Wanker and Intimacy: Tanned

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

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Same thing different taste

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 592

Good one, you little shit

By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 065

You deserved it 5 125

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 3 054

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 139

You deserved it 5 953

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 39 979

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 677

You deserved it 33 481

By blotchy-girl - 15/07/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 064

You deserved it 6 737

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 589

You deserved it 51 118

Roommates from hell, part 4874

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 164

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 320

untoward 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:05

well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway

katieebabyy 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

carrot crotch!

Comments

metalchick666 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:16

who masturbates with lotion?

Tsuki1 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:22

Better than having hairy palms, eh?

crazyaces89 7

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:56

that sucks but I'm not gonna lie it's a little funny too at the same time

Sereneorange 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 19:22

I call BS. This was in last season's Rescue Me. Not cute

xX_LilSammie_Xx 4

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:08

LUL!

Takador 3

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:17

who the hell uses lotion for that???

CrAzYyYyYy 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:21

if you use a pummel stone? idk what it's called on your hands it will get the orange off, but it would hurt like a bitch to use that on your dick

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:57

A few things wrong with your comment: 1. It's called a 'pumice stone'. 2. The name 'pummel stone', even though incorrect, would scare the living shit out of someone. You just suggested they use it on their dick. What does a pummel stone do? Well, it sounds like it would PUMMEL. PUMMELING A DICK? Ouch. 3. No one in their right bloody mind would use a pumice stone (or pummel stone... whatever you want to call it) on their dick. That's meant to slough away dead skin cells from TOUGH areas such as callouses on the feet. I can just imagine what it would do to a sensitive area...

fmlisforlols 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:40

Man, I keep forgetting how ******* retarded most FML posters are. It's good there are posts like this to remind me. People **********. How fucktards like the majority of you correlate that with virginity or inability to have sex is beyond me. Some people use lotions as well. The whole sexual pleasure thing is pretty ******* subjective, so people do different things.