Pranks, Wanker and Intimacy: Tanned

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

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Same thing different taste

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 592

Good one, you little shit

By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 065

You deserved it 5 125

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 3 054

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 139

You deserved it 5 953

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 39 979

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 677

You deserved it 33 481

By blotchy-girl - 15/07/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 064

You deserved it 6 737

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 589

You deserved it 51 118

Roommates from hell, part 4874

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 164

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 320

untoward 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:05

well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway

katieebabyy 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

carrot crotch!

Comments

ImaginaryFoe 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:26

I always thought tanning lotion was orangey or brown or something and smelly. I would've thought any lotion used for intimate purposes would be unscented and uncolored. (I have no direct experience with either being a naturally tan female.) Well I've learned something new.

Mylees 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:28

omg I feel sorry . but that's an kickass ideal

sramb 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 8:12

Your sunglasses are great(:

Juneyah1017 9

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:28

You can be a carrot for Halloween.

OmgO_o 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:29

hahaha fuhhhh! XD

sricious 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:33

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. LMFAO your own private carrot:D.. wich nobody else will touch;):p..

phorest 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:35

using lotion to **********? a bit keen are we? man up.

alonzo368 5

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:35

lol eww

mickigirl92587 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:38

hahahaahah!!!! well that sucks!! ydi for jacking off instead of actually gettin it on!!!

Schizomaniac 24

Saturday 2 October 2010 2:21

It's people like you who make me fret for our generation.

The_Earth 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 2:41

And I have to put up with humans like her on me. her and others like her are fleas. aggravating.

TheShay 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 17:08

now with 50% more aids, crabs and herpes!

fmlisforlols 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 19:37

Just because you're daddy's little ***** at such an age does not mean everyone else is having sex. Further, people who have sex still jack it. Now please, go get an education you ******* moron.