Intimacy: Terminology - FML

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 84 230

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Same thing different taste

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 761

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Spicy

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 480

You deserved it 80 861

By future brain bleach addict - 02/05/2013 23:54 - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 106

You deserved it 8 580

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Spicy

Today, I learned that I don’t need to fake my orgasms, even though I’ve never been given one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 201

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 120

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 08:55 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 198

You deserved it 7 455

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505

You deserved it 36 980

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 895

You deserved it 8 334

By lissysue1 - 12/07/2012 19:23 - United States - Green Bay

Spicy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 909

You deserved it 4 918

Next

Top comments

Fuzzygraywolf 0

Monday 30 May 2011 8:53

a wee bit behind on the learning curve are we? lol

Lexiesoccerchick 0

Monday 30 May 2011 8:52

wooow, you fail.

Comments

Shadow_Phantom 26

Tuesday 31 May 2011 2:23

How the **** is this a YDI? The OP didn't know, it's not their fault.

prismis 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:17

haha thats funny. I think I was as equally surprised when I was told what a BJ was lol

summer321 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:48

are you 5?

BigOrca 2

Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:58

this was a home school edumacation. I miss spelled it for a reason. his/her parent did not want him/her to know about sex.

BigOrca 2

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:04

23. I agree w u. home school. parents think they are helping there kid do better but when they are around there peers afterwards they will be less adequate.

ashleii2010 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:10

it could at sometimes! ;) lol. but how old are you xD?!

volleyballbabe5 1

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:18

haha wow, slow much?

sueannpalma 7

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:19

wow just wow that's really sad

Jerzzzz 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:25

Idiot.

JACKYL78 1

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:31

you are an idiot. don't feel to bad though. my sister used to think oral sex was talking about it.

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The Top

Today, I am five days postpartum and my sister came over to see me. After she refused to help me with dishes or do the laundry or grab dinner, I angrily asked why she even came. She replied, "Uh… to meet the baby? You're not entitled to my help, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 602

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 181

The Top

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 4 246

Today, it's White Day, a tradition in Japan where men buy gifts for women. A coworker walks in with gifts, hands them out to the local women, explains the holiday to a new guy, and walks out. I'm the only person in our office who didn't get a Valentine's Day or White Day gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 944

You deserved it 1 446

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 826

You deserved it 3 985

Today, I wrote an email for a job offer. I checked it, double-checked it, triple-checked it, and then sent it. It's only THEN that I realised my CV wasn't attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 392

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 341

You deserved it 2 985

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 992

You deserved it 8 357