Intimacy: Think before you speak

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Think before you speak

By Takuma - 20/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 585

You deserved it 95 223

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 213

You deserved it 36 707

She definitely heard

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 1 448

By anonymous - 21/11/2009 08:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 398

You deserved it 2 923

On the fritz

By Slow brain day - 09/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 522

Classy

By LAME - 23/02/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 010

You deserved it 12 742

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 110

You deserved it 56 190

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 891

You deserved it 40 105

Friends?

By idekwtfigo - 01/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 99

By bg4545 - 24/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 463

You deserved it 18 609

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 212

You deserved it 24 747

brontide 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:05

It's your ex who should be posting here, not you.

Aelaena 6

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:06

Woo I detect some jealousy here.

Comments

HitTheLights 0

Friday 22 May 2009 15:19

#8 LOL $100? What planet are you from? Depending on your currency it's about $400-$600 :P Twat. But this is an AWESOME FML lol. Not really a FML, but an OMG YOU HAVE GUTS. And brilliant wit :P

superkid 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:38

aha. whats the fml about? i respect you man ;)

420bliss 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:29

lmao, that's awesome. f the current boyfriend's life and hers though... BURN!

that_guy01 0

Friday 22 May 2009 18:02

possibly the most epic comeback on fml. i say f thier life. well played, son, well played.

MackenzieB 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 0:43

You're amazing.

Izk_90 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 5:47

GREATEST COMEBACK EVER!

meganjoanne 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 6:44

I actually just laughed omg

iMangled 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 7:14

Apparently the people saying he is a jealous ex are completely retarded. He was "HANGING OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS" meaning they are his ex's friends to, they are bound to see each other again. Anyways I doubt he even thinks about her. His response was completely awesome and full of win, her being a **** and saying "I had the iPhone first." gave him every right to retaliate with that epic response.