Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Throbbing

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 172

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By shit.... - 08/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 636

You deserved it 31 360

By TJ - 06/04/2012 11:10 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 237

You deserved it 10 418

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

By Sully - 07/02/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 705

You deserved it 23 189

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 457

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 4 582

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 26 844

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 7 146

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 861

Welshite 39

Monday 7 November 2016 3:06

OP: "Oh my manhood! My womb raider! My baby-maker custard launcher! " Girlfriend: "It's a penis. "

Tripartita 44

Monday 7 November 2016 3:28

"Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff" Ah, yes, an erection. "… cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen." Ah, yes, so still an erection.

Comments

rustybucket 24

Monday 7 November 2016 9:22

You can say the word "penis", it's okay.

charliewhippet 9

Monday 7 November 2016 11:27

YDI for using the word "manhood".

xx000o 27

Monday 7 November 2016 12:20

Be thankful that you still have your manhood attached.

darnellq 13

Monday 7 November 2016 13:44

So she grabbed it and held on long enough for you to get an erection and then made the reason that she wanted more covers? That kind of doesn't make sense. I mean unless you got an erection in the literal second it takes to grab covers and pull.

cuz803 44

Monday 7 November 2016 14:41

Spank her for being naughty

zeeba_neighba 10

Tuesday 8 November 2016 10:29

From your name: two inches longer might be worth the discomfort ;).

NeneJPhilly 8

Wednesday 9 November 2016 2:24

Bro, I'm so sorry. I know I blindly reach for covers. I pat around for them then when I think I have the edge, I rip them over me. It doesn't always work out...

jxr24313 5

Wednesday 9 November 2016 20:40

must be hung like a tic-tac if she didnt feel it through the covers

Wickedwildjoker6 2

Saturday 12 November 2016 0:22

I know your pain. Mine kneed me so hard in her sleep that I couldn't move very well the next day.

HeroHog 10

Monday 14 November 2016 2:58

LOL! Did that to the wife once with a hand full of her pubes! I once made a "tent" and she said "you wish" thinking it was my hand, grabbed it and was surprised to find the real deal. Ya gotta be careful what ya grab in bed!