Sex and Intimacy: TMI FML

TMI FML

By skyplaysguitar - 30/07/2012 05:56 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 211

You deserved it 6 524

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Same thing different taste

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 6 016

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 2 373

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 300

Nice to know

By Gemma - 06/01/2012 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 732

You deserved it 3 080

Horror movie

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 768

You deserved it 37 496

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 3 195

By dpl - 19/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 579

You deserved it 5 635

Oops, I Did It Again

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 762

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 340

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 510

You deserved it 3 721

dude1122332 9

Monday 30 July 2012 12:43

And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:

WCARlover 34

Monday 30 July 2012 12:44

I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters

Comments

kimmi41509 10

Monday 30 July 2012 12:50

I think everyone who has been to a beach has gotten sand in places one should never. -_-

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 31 July 2012 5:04

Nice one! ^

sougstad 7

Monday 30 July 2012 12:52

Some moms really don't know the difference between not telling enough and then telling you way too much.

Bree12345 15

Monday 30 July 2012 12:55

why didn't you just put a blanket down?

dude1122332 9

Monday 30 July 2012 12:57

Because it wasn't op, it was her mom.

J4C0B 1

Monday 30 July 2012 12:58

Watch that sandy crack it's naaaassstttyyy

dude1122332 9

Monday 30 July 2012 13:03

Haha. Sponge Bob jokes, can never go wrong with em.

DocBastard 38

Monday 30 July 2012 13:03

You inadvertently discovered Parents' Rule #212(b) - "Embarrass your child at every opportunity, especially when it comes to sex. Embellishing is perfectly acceptable and justifiable." Of course we now have to kill you.

sirpantselot 22

Monday 30 July 2012 14:39

Or impregnate her.

sirpantselot 22

Tuesday 31 July 2012 2:49

Or impregnate her.

eccentrix 12

Monday 30 July 2012 13:06

What did you expect to hear about when you asked your mom about her sex life?

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Monday 30 July 2012 13:08

OP, we have something in common. I was conceived in Hawaii too! I'm pretty sure it wasn't on a beach, though. And wouldn't they think to set down a towel or something for that very reason? Let this be a lesson learned, OP. Don't ask if you don't want to know an answer.