Sex and Intimacy: TMI FML

TMI FML

By skyplaysguitar - 30/07/2012 05:56 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 211

You deserved it 6 524

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 6 016

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 2 372

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 2 299

Nice to know

By Gemma - 06/01/2012 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 731

You deserved it 3 080

Horror movie

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 768

You deserved it 37 496

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 3 195

By dpl - 19/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 579

You deserved it 5 635

Oops, I Did It Again

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 762

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 340

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 3 721

dude1122332 9

Monday 30 July 2012 12:43

And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:

WCARlover 34

Monday 30 July 2012 12:44

I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters

Comments

numbersystem 4

Monday 30 July 2012 13:18

Imagine how awkward it would have been if you had walked in on your parents conceiving you...

kimmi41509 10

Monday 30 July 2012 13:23

Even though that's impossible -_-

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Monday 30 July 2012 13:23

My brain is full of...****. Wait, what? I'm having trouble processing this.

fishface517 10

Monday 30 July 2012 14:20

Time travel!

trippythehippy 6

Monday 30 July 2012 14:50

Now that's skill...

Ugi 26

Monday 30 July 2012 15:32

Yeah 27 - don't you just hate it when that happens!

desertrose415 8

Monday 30 July 2012 18:00

How would that even work..?

loserman67 35

Monday 30 July 2012 13:54

"Why no Dear, you weren't conceived on the beach. Don't be silly. You were conceived when your father, at least I think it was your father, I was pretty drunk at the time, bent me over the Tiki Bar and had his way with me." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, parents, so skilled at providing us mental images that can never be washed out. Your mother's alabaster ass nestled in the sand as Dad pounds away. Good luck with that one. No amount of Jim Beam will erase that from your mind or your nightmares.

YourLoss 0

Monday 30 July 2012 14:04

Having sex in freshly cut grass isn't very fun, either.

kimmi41509 10

Monday 30 July 2012 14:30

Certainly not. Not to mention finding a tick in your hair afterwards. *shudders*

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 30 July 2012 16:18

In your pubic hair? Fully engorged with blood? *shudder*

kimmi41509 10

Monday 30 July 2012 22:02

Lmao no, in my regular hair! I have no pubic hair.

SamanthaCassieL 10

Monday 30 July 2012 14:30

I don't understand how this is an FML... If your boyfriend cracks jokes on how you were conceived regularly enough to bother you, he's probably too young (for you) to have a girlfriend.

SamanthaCassieL 10

Monday 30 July 2012 17:30

What does that mean "comment moderated"? I just said that if OP's boyfriend is actually bothering her (especially if he's doing it over something stupid) he should grow up.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Monday 30 July 2012 17:36

It means the mods deleted your comment. You should get an email pretty much explaining why they did it.

slipmaster 6

Monday 30 July 2012 14:30

shes just being real...

tony1891 22

Monday 30 July 2012 14:33

as they say. life's a beach

littledancer55 1

Monday 30 July 2012 14:43

I don't give a shit where I was conceived and I definitely don't want to know!

perdix 29

Monday 30 July 2012 14:46

She should have passed on the anal.

Ugi 26

Monday 30 July 2012 15:34

That of course is the ultimate "too much information" reply - "No darling. Of course you weren't conceived on a beach! We always had it up the butt when we did it on the beach!"