Sex, Awkward, Motherhood and Parents: TMI mom!

TMI mom!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 16:00

Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 154

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Same thing different taste

By sorry :/ - 08/02/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 074

You deserved it 3 011

Nightmare fuel

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 476

You deserved it 9 992

By wtf mom - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 751

You deserved it 3 536

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 14:00

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 138

Mum

By mummer11 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 415

You deserved it 3 199

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 440

You deserved it 4 151

Mommy dearest

By Ohkourt - 20/04/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 125

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/02/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 156

You deserved it 1 320

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 210

Main character syndrome

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 23:00

Today, my mom found out I’m in therapy and took it as an insult, like therapy was a criticism of her parenting. Um, maybe if she hadn’t spent my childhood telling me and everyone in our family that having me was an accident, that I’ve been a huge burden, and that she should have aborted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 103

BloodyButUnbowed 28

Wednesday 13 April 2022 20:13

... at least she's glad? That may well be the weirdest attempted compliment I've ever heard. Sorry, OP.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 April 2022 1:07

You'll need therapy indefinitely until they invent brain bleach. I'm probably going to need some help from just reading this!

Comments

BloodyButUnbowed 28

Wednesday 13 April 2022 20:13

... at least she's glad? That may well be the weirdest attempted compliment I've ever heard. Sorry, OP.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 April 2022 1:07

You'll need therapy indefinitely until they invent brain bleach. I'm probably going to need some help from just reading this!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 15 April 2022 1:58

Right?? I was all set to order Panera but now appetite ruined. Brain bleach needed.

bobsanction 18

Thursday 14 April 2022 7:57

You're gonna need more therapists.

JasonThorn 20

Thursday 14 April 2022 16:05

...tell me, OP...why haven't you gone no-contact with this toxic excuse for an egg donor?

diraven 15

Friday 15 April 2022 7:24

OnlyFans link?

brose2417 3

Tuesday 19 April 2022 1:38

That is one of the most outlandish statements I’ve ever heard.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 979

The Top

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 980

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message, which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 559

You deserved it 2 532

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 610

You deserved it 6 290

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 185

You deserved it 5 287

Today, my last grown child moved out and into their own place. As I stood in my house, which was finally empty and quiet for the first time in 37 years, all I could think was, "THANK GOD THOSE IRRITATING SODS ARE GONE, I HAVE MY LIFE BACK, BUT DAMN IT, I’M TOO OLD TO HAVE REAL FUN ANYMORE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 809

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 486

You deserved it 1 556